Question: I have to marry my cousin or no one……my parents will
never speak to me if I refuse…..
Asalaamu Alaikum
I have been on your website and have found out all the things you say on there are absolutely true. I am going through
a similar situation in my life at the moment were no matter what I do my parents are just not listening or even interested
for what i have to say which is why i want to know what can I do, I am very stressed.
Basically my parents
want me to get married to my first cousin, which i disagree with for many different reasons, not saying shes a bad person
its just got to do with my choice and what sort of person i want as a life partner. Now giving them all the proofs from Quran
and Hadith, mainly from your website about the rights of an individual, about his parents and marriage, they still are trying
to force this marriage upon me. For not listening to them they done all the tricks in the book like threats, emotional blackmail,bribes
you name it, but the one thing that has got to me the most is that they have stopped talking to me. Its been about 6 weeks
now my parents haven’t spoke to me, because i refused to obey their command, and this is affecting me because i really
love my parents and not talking to them really hurts me. They have said if i dont agree to get married to her than i can forget
about marrying sum1 else because they wont ask any1 else for me (it is her or no one). The thing that worries
me is that both my parents suffer from high blood pressure and from me not agreeing to this marriage might escalate their
illness into god forbid something bad. I dont know
what i should do, do i ruin my life just to keep my parents happy or shall i keep on going my own way but risk my parents
health and happiness
Please can you give me some advise. Thank You
Reply:
Thank You for contacting us. Basically your parents are using the usual tactics
to FORCE you into marriages.Firstly even if you were to go ahead with this marriage, you nikah would be invalid
as you have to consent to the marriage with your heart.
Forced marriages are not
halal therefore the Nikah is not valid.In Islam there is no concept of ‘marrying for the parents sake’. With all due
respect our parenst don’t have to spend their days and nights with this person.You need to paint a picture of what it would be like to marry this Pakistani cousin, have children and spend
the rest of your life with. Your parents will leave this world possibly way before you and leave you with the mess of a life
you will have to suffer. Does Allah want this for us? No never.Allah
wants you to find a companion so that you can love, protect ,understand and be garments for one another. She will be from
a corrupt country with a corrupt clever ‘chalaak’ mindset unlike yours. What can you relate to with her. Your
childhood, language, mentality are all different.
Islam encourages
marriages of like to like minded people. Now
imagine living with a woman born and bred here like yourself, your best friend and companion for life inshAllah.There is no
comparison.
MashAllah I want to congratulate you on being so strong so far.
You have almost completed your mission of standing up to this injustice. They have tried everything and its not working. Now
they have NO POWER or CONTROL left so the only thing left was to stop talking to you. This is the only thing they can do.
All else has failed. Alhamdulilah. We must stand up for the truth the way the great Sahabi, Musab Ibn Umayr stood up to his
mother.
WHAT ABOUT MY PARENTS RIGHTS? THEY ARE UPSET WITH ME!
Brother you want to follow Allah swt and his Messenger pbuh , our
parents want to follow their Jahil ignorant culture at any cost. We are strangers to our parents because we want to follow
the straight path. The Prophet pbuh told us of the glad tidings to the strangers. That does not mean we
don’t love or respect our parents but when it comes to the haram we can not obey them.
Mus‘ab
ibn Umair (r.a) accepted Islam during a difficult period. One day a non-believer saw him offering prayers . He at once informed
Mus‘ab's parents who turned hostile to their son. His mother's affection vanished. All the love and care of
his father changed into anger and grief. They admonished him, but when they knew that he was firm, they tied him with ropes
and threw him in a dark cell. He was kept in prison for a long time, but his belief in Islam was so deep that the torment
of prison did not change his mind. He sacrificed everything and remained patient.Eventually
his parents accepted his decision.Brother this is your test and I can see you having a good life with a British compatible wife inshAllah.
In Pakistan their ‘Islam’ is nothing like what we want to follow it is mixed up with culture, hypocrisy and non
Islamic concepts.
OUR
PARENTS ARE NOT ANGELS
If
our parents cut off from us (cut ties of kinship) they are committing a serious kabir sin ( One of the biggest sins). They
will be questioned by Allah for this. They will also stand on the day of judgment and have to answer for their behaviour towards
us.They do not have a free reign to do as they please. Allah protect and guide our parents
and us all. Ameen. Also please do istikhara, it always helps.
REMAIN FIRM
Brother please remain firm and continue doing what you’re doing and ideally start
looking for an alternative here that you can marry. Please contact us for further advice.
