Non Muslim Marrying a Pakistani

TRUE STORY - PLEASE READ, UNDERSTAND, LEARN AND TEACH!

Every year thousands of Non-Muslim Western Women are trapped by Pakistani men who are usually illegal or on student visa's etc. Even if you think we are biased and generalising there is one thing common in all of these men. That his LIES. If you start to search for the truth about these men and try to find proof for all that he tells you, you are guaranteed to start to see lie upon lie. All the information he has given you has been false or distorted. That’s when your eyes should start to open. The other Category is Pakistan Muslim men who are usually born and bred in the west but too weak to tell their family about you. Therefore leaving you in limbo and a life of uncertainty given by following this culture.Thus denying you the wonderful rights Islam gives a woman.

My story started when I was 16 years old living in Handsworth, we had just finished our last GCSE exams. To celebrate, we all decided to go to a "bhangra gig" during the day, as we knew we would not have been allowed to go in the night. There were 4 of us, best of friends, we decided to go, although we knew we would get into trouble if are parents found out, but we thought that we "only live once" and as it was a special occasion, and so we went. This was the first time any one of us had done something like this, it was an experience. When we got there we could not believe how many people our age were there from all over Birmingham, all Asian! I was shocked more than my friends, there were people drunk, boys/girls smoking, this was the new generation of Asians enjoying the western world freedoms. I remember saying to my friends, "We need to stick together, no matter what happens the way we were as we always danced at wedding parties). I went over to them to see what had happened; they totally ignored me and encouraged me to drink which I then did. My dad would drink a lot so I assumed it be ok). We left the club at the end, it was about 4 o' clock, and I remember thinking how the hell are we going to get home? We were giggling, and we were late and drunk. I knew my gran would, phone my mum at work if I did not get home in the next 20mins, (I was normally home about 3:50pm, and it was already ten past four, I was in the middle of Birmingham City centre,40mins away from home by bus! I was so scared, I knew I was going to get into serious trouble once I got home, and I smelt strongly of smoke and alcohol. My dad was going to kill me. We did not know what to do? Then the guys, who we were dancing in the club, came over and asked us if we were alright? or if we needed anything, i.e. a lift home, because we were so desperate, we said yes. They dropped us home, we exchanged numbers and they went. I got slapped that day, my dad went absolutely mad, because I had lied, went to a club, danced with boys and got drunk! The whole family was really upset. I remember thinking I will never do anything like this again. My friends got the same treatment. It was not until a couple of weeks later, that some one kept ringing my house number, anonymous caller, and my gran, bless her, would go over to answer the phone, but no reply. Then one day, as my gran was cooking my roti, the phone rang and I answered, it was that guy from the club. I didn't know what to do. I was scared and yet anxious to what might happen. He wanted us to meet up again, he wanted to know how we were? This was going to be my first relationship. I got to know "Abs" over the next couple of months, we would arrange, the best times for him to call me, it was exciting, no one knew about him, I felt needed and loved. He was 18 at the time, and I had just turned 16. He drove a really nice car and worked for his uncle, in I.T. It got to a stage were we would meet up in the middle of the night, I would sneak out of my house, he would pick me up at the bottom of my street, and we would go everywhere together I was loving every minute of it and every time we would not see each other, I felt like dying I was truly in love with him. I did notice that he was not Punjabi, he dressed different to normal Punjabi boys that age, and he didn't drink and smoke. He knew a lot of Muslims, but I decide to ignore that fact, as I was having the time of my life. I had a funny feeling he was Muslim, but he wore a Kara? and I never had the courage to ask him, because I didn't want to ruin anything between us.
But finally that day came when he revealed that he must go to the mosque, I was taken back, I didn't know how to respond, my boyfriend was a Muslim, and I loved him too much to let him go. I asked him about his name, his nickname was Abs. he had told me his name was Harbinder, but in fact his name was Yasseen.This was a distressing situation, he had lied to me and led me on to believe he was Sikh, but was in fact a Muslim. I confronted him, I asked him, you knew I was a Sikh, then why did you get into this relationship with me? He answered my question with a question, does it matter? And I remember replying "No" after a few minutes, I thought to myself he's not your typical Muslim, and he has treated me with respect. It was a hard time, I felt like breaking up with him, he was a Muslim, it wouldn't work? But I could not help it, he loved me, I loved him, and I kept reminding myself, he was different, and all those good times we had during the start of our relationship. So we decided to give it a shot, (what fool I was), we would spend a lot of time together, he got me job at his uncle's firm, they all treated me with respect although I was a Sikh, and all of them were Muslim, they were so nice to me. I felt wanted and at home with me boyfriends family. We saw each other for over two year's(all through college) and then came the time for me to leave my home and go to university, I went out of town a good few hours away, I wanted to live as far as away from my family as possible, as they were the obstacle, in my life from him. I had stopped wearing my Kara and my gold khanda necklace. I also stopped going to the Gurdwara, because I did not want to offend him, and I would use that time instead to be with him. I loved him and would do anything for him, anything. At university. Things got a bit serious, I lived in halls, first, but everyone would look at me and call me names to my face and behind my back, they even trashed my flat twice!! All because I was going out with a Muslim, I would try to explain to them, he was different and he loved me, they would not have any of it, I felt so bad, he had to go through a lot because of me. This was a really bad experience for me, and I felt vulnerable and weak. Things started to change a lot during the first few weeks at university. I quit uni, and moved into a flat with him, he got me another job, and again his cousin helped us financially. I never told my parents that I had done this, they would phone me, I would say everything was going excellent, and I would lie to them. During this time, I started to stop going home, I would say that I had too much uni work to do, and so I couldn't come home. Then,I stopped answering my phone from my family and friends, because I knew all they would say is to stop seeing him, and come home etc.so I changed my number, that's not the only thing I changed, a few months later I changed my name! We were happy together, we were in love, and we were made for each other!! A few months later I even changed my faith, I became a Muslim, I was happy then to finally be apart of something that was so great, everyone loved me, and I was finally at home and peace. Islam then offered everything to me, it made sense and was the truth, Sikhism had to many flaws in it, or that is what I was told, and I believed everything he said, it all made sense, Sikhism was a man-made religion, it believed in caste (we had Gurdwara made on caste) we would make our women dance half naked on bhangra video's, while Islam would teach us to cover the women because she is so precious, like an diamond. I was duped, I knew nothing about Sikhism, my parents never told me, and I never learnt anything at the Gurdwara, never understood what the Granthi's were saying. And as a result I believed everything he told me. We then decided to get married, but he said we should go to Pakistan to do that, because his sisters were there, and they were all dying to meet me! So I agreed, we went. The year was 1994, I was 19 years old. What I am about to tell you now, is the most disturbing part of my life, I have had to receive medical treatment from Doctor's on a regular basis for a long period, due to this. I would like to say something before I continue, what I am about to tell you, is no exaggeration in any way, this is exactly how it happened, and the metropolitan police are well aware of it. Whilst I was on the flight over to Pakistan, I was so excited, I was finally going to get married to the love of my Life, I never thought about my family or friends, as I had everything I ever needed through him. And because I was taught to believe that they were the devil, they will take me to hell, and Did not want to go there.
When we reached Pakistan, there were a few people there to greet us, I had worn the hi-jab, as a sign of respect to my new in-laws and faith. They were so happy to see me. We were then herded into a 4x4, and then of we went to meet the rest of Yasseen's family. We were driving for a few hours, and I was absolutely worn out. We then stopped at what seemed to be a police station or the local sheriff's office, the luggage was taken out of the jeep, and
these men came and took the luggage away, Yasseen came over and took my personal belongings, everything, my passport, money even my toothbrush, he said the police wanted to check our things, in case we were smuggling drugs, I remember laughing at first, but when looked at his face, he was deadly serious, I gave him everything and then I was taken to a room, where I was told to wait.
They asked Yasseen questions.

It seemed like ages, while I waited in that room, on my own. I was getting very worried for Yasseen. During this time, two more cars and a jeep had come to this police station. Finally, a middle aged man came over and started to ask
me personal questions. I had trouble understanding what he was saying, he spoke so fast, in Urdu. I kept asking him to take me to Yasseen. He said "Yasseen has gone", those three words stopped my heart beating, I was alone in a remote village in Pakistan, with no belongings and locked up a room. I did not know what to think?

What was happening? This was not supposed to happen?

Where had Yasseen gone? I cried, and pleaded with the men there to take me to Lahore, they would simply laugh at me and beat me.
A few days, I did not eat or sleep, I was disorientated, and I did not know what to do? I became ill, I was very weak, a doctor was called, he gave me some medicine, with which all I did was sleep. The next thing I remember was, when I woke up in a room, with a small barred window, and a small door. This door was locked from the outside, I started to scream, a women came rushing over. I was relieved for a moment that women had come over to my aid, until she started to shout at me and curse me. I didn't know what was going on. I just sat there in that small, cold room, with blank mind. They would give some bread and water three times a day. I was allowed to go to the toilet only once a day.
By now I had realized, I was not going home and Yasseen was not coming to my rescue. The building I stayed at was 3 storeys, and was very big. It must have had more than 30 rooms. It was the only building there, there was nothing
anywhere around this building, just fields and 1 tarmac road. It was a brothel.
I was not a lone there were 3 other girls (Sikh and Hindu) that were in the same situation as me. We were all kept on the top floor, we were all given one room each. The other girls had been there longer than me, we would get a chance to speak during the night. They told me of their stories and how they got here, they sounded
familiar. It would be very cold during the night. They told me, on the 3rd day, what happens here. This where, the locals came to enjoy themselves. I was very frightened. This is where they would come to quench their desires. I remember how they treated us, they would treat us like animals, they would rape us, and then spit on our faces after they were done. It was a living nightmare, with no escape. I spent 15 months here, over that period of time, I have seen 36 more girls been brought here, I have seen 7 commit suicide, by jumping of the building and 20 odd taken away by rich businessmen who would use them in their own brothels. I saw and lived in HELL, I saw young girls being raped, I heard the screams of these girls and their frustration, that no one would help them. When I first saw the police approach the building, I thought that we had been saved, was I proved wrong, they beat a girl to death right in front of us all, to show us who was in charge, and what would happen if we didn't co-operate. If you think for a second, that what I am saying is lies, go and approach the Scotland Yard, they have the full details of who the girls were and where they were from. I saw this with my own eyes, and no-one ever helped us. A time came when me and another girl, got the opportunity to escape, we had been taken to a local tribesman's house, a fight had broken out, in his house, in the confusion Guru ji gave us an opportunity to escape, we took a jeep, and set out on the roads, we didn't know where we were going, we just went, where ever the road took us. We got close to a town Called Eminabad, here we informed the police of what had happened to us, they helped us, we were handed over to the British embassy and sent back to the UK. Once back in the UK, the police tried to hand us back to our families, OUR OWN families had disowned us, my family told me to go away, that I had brought shame to the family name, I tried to apologise, and they would not accept it. I even tried to get help From the Gurdwara, they said they could not help us. We had to go back to the police, who then put us in a witness protection program.

The year is 1996, I was then 21. We both were given a new chance to start a fresh, the police helped us a great deal. In the program we were given a place to stay and they gave us new jobs, to rebuild our lives. I am now 29, married and a 3 year old girl. I then took an active role to combat what had happened to us and help others in the same situation.
There is not a single second that goes by, without me thinking about those poor girls locked up in Pakistan. I have been scarred for life. But I must do everything I can to try to create awareness to help those girls that scream every night and go through that abuse. I am thankful to the Police who are trying to help those girls, but I think we as a community need to do much more. We must come out of hiding, and face the danger these girls now face. But what we find is a really negative attitude employed by all parties, the families, Gurdwara and the girls, to do anything about this. I know what happened to me and what is still happening to those that are in Pakistan. Accordingly to the latest figures, there are 300 girls there right now, facing constant abuse, who are getting drugged up everyday and then raped. One of them is your relative!! Just keep that in mind, your cousin who you have not seen for over 3 years, went to university and never came back! When you ask your uncle and auntie, where is your cousin who you nor your family have seen for so long, you get the reply, that she has brought a house there and she has found herself a good job, and so she is constantly busy. I beg you please stop these lies, please help my sisters’ in Pakistan, who no-one helps, their families are too scared, or they don't know where she is? We must put a stop to this, I saw what is happening there, believe me, I do not even wish this to happen my enemies, when you see a young girl being raped by savages, who beat her and then spit on her you remember God, believe me when all you can hear is her screams to stop and her cry for help all you can do is watch. Those girls need your help! I pray all the time to Guru, to please help, those girls, every time I get the chance. We must make sure not a single girl goes to that living Hell from today. We must educate every one of our girls and boys about our religion. We must take it upon ourselves to educate ourselves and our own families. We must thrive to make sure this never happens to any of our girls ever again. I hope Guru Ji helps us. I hope you at least help yourself and your own family. I hope all those that took those poor girls over to Pakistan, realise that God is within us all, and not just in the heavens, I wish they could just imagine for 1 single second, that one of those girls was their own sister! No one would ever want this to happen to anyone, believe me. We have altered the above account to safe guard our source. The name and locations have been changed and how our penji escaped has been changed dramatically for the simple reason not to jeopardise any other girls opportunity to escape.

Question:

I'm in a relationship with a Pakistani guy and I have a few doubts on my mind about him, and with all these bad things happening between while girls and Muslim, I thought the better way would be to get advice from people who really know Pakistani people, so I decided to search info on google and suddenly found your website.
I met a Pakistani guy who says he is from Malaysia, where his father has a business. Since I met him he can't stop giving me presents, and it is good but it doesn't sound normal because he always gives me expensive gifts such as expensive perfume, designer handbags, dresses, a watch etc.

Strangely although he claims that he has his family well established in Malaysia, he has failed to every show me any photos or evidence or him or his family residing in Malaysia.

He said his family allows love marriages and arranged marriages, but I'm not sure about it, because he said says he broke up with another woman he was going to marry but never really gave the reason.

I am a British Citizen and he is from Pakistan but living in England. I assume he is on a student visa or illegal.   So many gifts, and I have to confess that he is trapping me with all these treats! But that is not normal, guys in England don't give girls so many gifts! I don't know!!! I don't know if his father really has the business in Malaysia, I don't know about his visa situation. One day when I asked him to show me his visa status in the UK he started to avoid the subject until one day he told me he had lost his passport!
I just know him for 6 months! Is it part of the Pakistani culture to give loads of gift because its not in England?
Please, could you tell what you think! Thank you very much.

Reply:

Thank you for your email. The most assuring part of your story is that you have become suspicious of your partner. Your suspicions are not dumbfounded. From our vast experience, this man is like thousands of Pakistani’s who come to the west and look to trap a western girl for mainly ONE reason; which is to gain Nationality/Permanent Residence Visa; after which they disappear and often leave the woman to get married from Pakistan. The other reason they may stay is to have the prize possession. What’s the prize possession? It’s a western woman. You see they still suffer from the inferiority complex and western women especially white women are something to show off and a fantasy for them to fulfill. The way to trap a western woman is to promise her the world, blind her with fake charm and gifts and then once married or not married get her pregnant. One she has a baby he is likely to be able to ‘keep’ her for life.

Please carefully read the section on our website named 'Freshy British Pakistani’s’. There you will find a comprehensive checklist which will help you spot any Pakistani trying to marry simply for a passport. Using this checklist you will be able to establish that ;

1)     He is not from Malaysia. He has most likely never been there in his life. You can check his passport, but he will never let you see it

2)    His father does not have a business in Malaysia. (Its common for them to lie about how rich they are abroad yet they are willing to do any job in the UK)

3)   He does not have an MBA. Ask him prove that he has this degree; he will not be able to. He may have a fake one which you can buy for a few hundred pounds for bogus colleges.

4)     The previous girl left him because she worked him out or got fed up of his lies.

5)   He is showering you with gifts because he is scared to lose you.

He thinks that you are gullible enough to fall into his trap. Believe me, money is what these men care about more than anything in this world. He only has to keep buying these gifts until he gets his visa. Classic behaviour. By the way, if he has told you that he already has permanent residence then ask him to prove it. The only reason he would continue the relationship is if he can use you for any further gain, like for instance, if he can convince you to give him money, as this is the second most important thing in his life. None of this. His behaviour is no different to how Pakistani men behave in these situation. A successful marriage/relationship is based on BOTH people being SINCERE and HONEST. He has already proven to be dishonest by not revealing to you the truth about where he really is from and about his family. You probably don’t know his real name. It is very common for these men to have two identities.Most important factor of all, in understanding these men, is to know that they are MASTERFUL LIARS. They have the gift of the gab. They are able to convince you of almost anything about their past, education, job etc. I speak from years of research into this subject and from the experience of countless victims who have contacted us. He will promise you and tell you everything that you want to hear. My advice to you would be to play it safe, why would you want to take such a big risk? It’s good that you are thinking and observing things. If a guy is not straight forward and you always have to think what is he doing next then its never going to be a relationship! He will never ever stop lying. Its in their culture , everything is a lie or a game. The biggest lies you can imagine . They can claim anything and can say they have lived in a country they have never even been to!  He knows one day he will get his permanent stay through you. The way they trap the woman is to get her pregnant ASAP that way shes never going to leave. THE PRESENTS WILL STOP AND ABUSE WILL START ONCE HE KNOWS HE’S GOT YOU TRAPPED OR HE GETS HIS VISA. GUARANTEED!!!

We have had women inform us of men who have waited even as long as 10 years with a girl to get their citizenship and then just left as soon as mission accomplished!!! We only know that all cases like yours that we have come across have ended up in heartache, destruction and abuse. If I was you I would look for another one of the 3 billion men in the world. It’s not worth finding out the hard way. His aim will be to get you pregnant as soon as is possible so that you are trapped for life. Islam is not what these men represent. If you want to know what Islam is, it’s the exact opposite of this man’s true colours. Hypocrisy is very hard to work out. It took us years to work these men out. Sorry to be so harsh but we set this website up to save anyone we can from this hell.

We sincerely hope you will not continue with this man. It is very difficult to do this we understand . The charm and attention will be so difficult to lose but we don’t want you to look back one day at what advice you received from our vast experience and knowledge and regret it forever.

Non Muslim Man Married a Pakistani Woman

I am writing to you following coming across your very interesting website, and through personal experience.

I am not a Pakistani woman, nor man. I was however engaged to be married to a woman of mixed parentage. Her mother of Irish Christian Catholic origin, her father a Pakistani Muslim, although he goes along with his wife's Christian practices.

I am myself, Jewish, which makes it all the more interesting. When Monica (her name) and I got engaged earlier this year, we thought we were both very happy indeed. Yes, there were religious differences and cultural things to consider, but we were both envisioning that we keep practising our faiths and not seek to convert one to another.

Her first cousin flew over from Pakistan for M's Sister's wedding and as soon as he landed, the feelings she had for her first cousin came flooding back and she became confused. These feelings came about through him looking after her four years ago after she had a breakdown after her first marriage broke up (to an atheist). Unfortunately, they became much too close at that time and he actually slept with her (out of marriage) which I am sure is forbidden in Islamic Law. In effect, taking advantage of a vulnerable woman in need of help.

To cut a long story short, she broke off the engagement with me and very shortly after that, said to me that her and her first cousin had got married in a rush using a civil ceremony and muslim ceremony. She said to me that she tried to "discourage the relationship but felt she had no choice but to marry her first cousin". It was important that she pleased her father, her uncle and her first cousin. But no mention of her mother. She was until recently a devout Catholic and took part in at least four services per week at her local catholic church. She was having difficulty with her faith because she thought she was regarded as a sinner; she was waiting for an annulment and felt that her church was blaming her for everything. She felt that her soul was not worth saving.

This came as a big shock to me considering he had taken advantage of her whilst supposed to be looking after her.

The first cousin is a Lawyer in Lahore and has gone back to Pakistan after staying here for six months on a visitor's Visa. Now applying for residency here following his marriage.

Obviously, without knowing any of the people concerned it is hard for you to advise me WHY, and should I be so upset, but I think from what I have read on the website there are possibilities of subtle pressure (emotional) being applied, or genuine but unnatural (forbidden?) love between a man and woman which went too far, or she felt that she had to reward him in some way for helping her through the breakdown after her first marriage broke down. Or she just wanted to get back at the church?

Whatever the real reason, I will never understand what happened and more to the point, I now realise what a LUCKY ESCAPE I have had from this highly unstable woman and family? Her first cousin is 100% Muslim / Pakistani and has always lived in Pakistan (Lahore) except for six months (about four years ago) when he was here to help look after her. Now that she has married him with the support of her father and uncle who are VERY PLEASED, more so than her Mother, this cousin will apply to live in the UK permanently. We were together for about 4 years, some of that time very close friends, the rest boyfriend / girlfriend. We met whilst playing in a local orchestra. We got engaged on May 19th and she broke it off in late July, about the same time as Amjad came back for Mimi (Monica’s) Sister’s Wedding. Her priest has tried to be supportive but said to me that she is far from well in the mind ... my family and friends have said that I have been saved by God in the long term. It seems that in her vulnerable position and with unresolved issues from the past, she may have married him through unnatural and forbidden love, or just gratitude for helping her. She said that she tried to discourage the relationship but was not in control and had no choice but to marry him..... but don’t women always have a choice?? What do you feel? I hope you can put something on your site about this, I would feel that my story, out in the open, would get it off my chest and help me to move on.

I would be very interested to know also, how the UK Immigration Authorities view applications for residency from Pakistani nationals who have married women from the UK and want to come back?

Your feedback would be very much appreciated. Email us at pakmarriages@yahoo.com