Your children appreciate the great contribution you have made in their lives. Most of you, our beloved parents came to this country with very little and worked so hard to make our lives better. The feedback we have from the second and third generation born and bought up in the west is that they feel they can never repay you for all that you have done for them. They love you and respect you from the bottom of their hearts. Ever since we were little you tried to do things to make us happy, safe and comfortable. We pray that Allah Ta’ala reward you for all your efforts.  Ameen.

As you know, the World has changed a lot since you were our age. Our lives and upbringing has been almost entirely different to yours. We are the future generation of this country and have been bought up to see things very differently. Therefore it would only make sense for us to marry from the same country we were born and bred in. This has proven to be the most successful way.

We speak and think in English, live, study and work in a very different culture and setting to Pakistan or Asia. Marrying from Pakistan , Bangladesh or India is not going to find us a life partner that will understand us. We have a duty to you, our beloved parents to love and respect you. To also to involve you in our choice of marriage and life partner. This is why we want to marry with your consent and happiness. But sometimes in life our choices will not be the same as yours. This is why we want you to try and see things from our point of view. Now we are grown up and want to find a life partner that will not only make us happy and comfortable but also please you.

Our beloved Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) did not allow any marriage which was without the choice and consent of the children concerned.  In our beautiful deen of Islam marrying without fully agreeing to marry someone with heart and mind is not a valid Nikah.  I know this may be difficult to understand because maybe your marriage was also done by your parents with or without your consent.  It’s the way it has always been done!

 It is true that parents have more life experience and usually know what is best for us children but this best must be based on Islamic values and suitability of the partner. It cannot be based on merely the person being a relative or a tradition.

Many times we have seen  a ‘rishta’ is given to a nephew or niece ‘back home’ and it has made the family situation far worse. Also the same brother or sister you are helping have never appreciated anything you have done for them and even if you give many sons and daughters away in this sacrifice it will never make your relationship better. Marrying  a child off for economic reasons to help your relative is not a valid basis for marriage. If you want to help a brother or sister back home. There are other ways other than marrying your children off. You can get them or their children a visa or help them set up a business in Pakistan but please do not gamble with your children’s lives.

There is no harm in meeting the person your son or daughter has chosen for marriage. Thousands of children have had to run away from home just to be heard. If your son or daughter mentions marriage please listen to them. They may have found the right person that will make them happy and complete their life and half their deen.

Please let your children choose with your guidance and approval a marriage of THEIR own choice. Obviously if your child brings a person not suitable to marry your child you have a right to object. But that reason cannot be because he/she is not a relative, not from the same caste, not from the same country of origin etc. The reason for you to object must be based on that person having  a bad character, no regular income (men) etc.

Thank you and JazakAllah for listening