Islamic Fatwas and Rulings

Fatwa # 3583 from United Kingdom

Category

Marriage (Nikah)

Title

Can we have Nikah without parents knowing. But with the definite intention on telling them later. Because they will not agree marriage for another 1-2 yrs. What do we do about walima,witnesses,Wali.

Question

I was in a relationship with someone since I was 17 (seven years) who Alhumdullilah now has also embraced Islam. He is 24 years old like myself, and is not perceived by his family nor mine as being 'financially secure or educated enough to get married. My mother ( father does not know anything about this situation) and his parents are quite happy with the idea of me marrying him. but they all want him to finish his education first, save enough money ( up to another year and half) and THEN think about marriage. We are very attached to each other and we have stopped seeing each other and spending time together, we do speak to each other regularly on the telephone. Unfortunately we are too weak to completely stop all correspondence. We feel that we cannot fully devote ourselves to Islam until we are married. We do not want our contact with each other going outside of the boundaries set by Shariah either emotionally or physically. For this reason, we have talked about having a nikkah without our parents knowing. I have a blood-brother who i think will be happy to act as my wali but rather not use him if possible. He is younger than me (20).I am hoping that inshALlah after 1-2 yrs.we can do another nikkah to please our families.. The question then is.... can we divorce each other in the future IF our parents completely oppose this wedding’ of course divorce will be our very last option.. Also brother if we could get clarifiation on the walima,witnesees,Wali ect.

Answer

Q: I am proposed to a girl. Our families want us to marry only next year. Since we are seeing each other, can we perform a secret marriage to avoid committing adultery and officially marry next year’ A: Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) advised, 'Announce the Nikah.' (Mishkaat pg.272; Qadeemi) The wisdom behind the announcement is to avoid any misconception of an illegal and illicit relationship between the boy and girl. Although the first and secret marriage for the purpose of legalizing intimacy will be valid, but we are also advised to abstain from doubt and disgrace. If the Nikah is not announced, people witnessing the relationship will regard the relationship as Haraam and illegal. Furthermore, what if the girl conceives and gives birth before the official 'second' marriage’ The negative factors surrounding that as well as the child for the rest of his/her life are well known. Therefore, we advise that if there is a dire need to fulfil one's desires, the Nikah be expedited to avoid the abovementioned negative factors of a secret marriage. and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best Mufti Ebrahim Desai FATWA DEPT. A Nikah is performed with a proposal (Iejaab) by the male or female and acceptance (Qubool) by the male or female in the past and/or present tense in the presence of two male Muslim witnesses (Hidaaya vol. 2). It is Sunnat that the marriage be announced and performed in the Masjid and the bride be represented by her Mahram (father, brother, etc.). The bride gives consent to her representative (Wakeel) in the presence of two witnesses to perform her marriage at the Masjid. At the Masjid, the Wakeel represents the bride in the presence of the two witnesses who must be trustworthy and pious male Muslims. They should not be from among the girls ascendants e.g. father, etc. nor from her descendants, e.g. son, etc. Having said that, if the sister (attained puberty) wishes to represent herself at the time and place of Nikah, then she may do so without a Wakeel. This is according to the Hanafi Madhab - according to Shaaf'ee permission is incumbent. A marriage without the two witnesses is not valid. the relationship will be illegal and Haraam.

Fatwa # 9350 from Other Country/Island

Category

Marriage (Nikah)

Title

Q: Can a father break up his daughters marriage simply because it was done without his consent & that we are of 2 different nationalities’

Question

A.S. Dear respected ulema, Me&my wife mature adults, practising on the sunnah, of Hanafi fiqh & from the Indian subcontinent. We have made sabr for over 2 years trying to persuade my wife’;s parents2 agree 2do our Nikah. Her father disagreed in doing our Nikah due2 different Nationality although I speak his language very well. We performed Nikah 6months ago without her parent’s consent in the presence of 2 male muslim witnesses, also her own brother was present as wakeel, fixed the mahr. Her parents came2 know of the marriage immediately thereafter, and he wont allow her 2b reunited with me. Her Parents are now trying2 break our marriage so that no one gets to hear of it. All because of National pride. 1)Her Father claims ‘I being the father, have the right to break up this marriage’, is this true according to shariah’He say’s I haven’t tried hard enough to convince him despite the fact that my parents and elders spoke to him,he shunned everyone out. 2)Her father has forced/pressurised/black mailed her so much so that she is fed up & forced to seek divorce from me.Her father wants2 destroy his own daughter & son in laws life. 3)Will her father/mother be accountable to Allah for the Zulm they’re doing on us’ 4)Is it possible to get Mufti Taqi’s view also since her family are from the same country & respect him a lot. 5)What rights do I have as a husband who is forcefully being separated from his wife’ Please help. Jzk.

Answer

Jazakallah for the questions which you have submitted to the institute. You write about the stubborn resistance your wife's parents have displaced towards your union before and after your marriage. Tell me, besides your different nationalities, what other reasons do her family have for refusing this union’ If there is no other reasons and if you are an upright, pious person who is in a position to support their daughter and treat her with kindness, then it is difficult to understand why they should be so resistant. You say her brother represented her in 'giving' her to you in nikah, that the mehr was set and that you had two witnesses to your marriage. You have met the requirements for the nikah to be valid. To answer your questions: Her father has no right according to Shariah to annul her marriage to you since her mahram, namely her brother, represented her at her nikah. Yes, her parents will be held accountable for breaking up this union. Allah Ta'ala will deal with them most severely for causing a divorce to take place on the basis of NATIONAL "PRIDE". This is self-destructive and 'other-destructive' behaviour and they will be taken to task for ruining their daughter's life. In fact, if one takes this situation one step further, what are they going to do with her if they succeed in destroying her union to you’ Will they force her to marry someone else’ Even in that case they will be acting contrary to Shariah. You have performed nikah with her, so your rights over her are as Allah Ta'ala has commanded and according to the precepts of Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam). You should not be seperated from your wife by anyone without your consent. Brother it is sad that thousands of parents from the Sub-continent ( India/Pakistan) tend to hold onto these chauvinistic and nationalistic ideas and believe that they can in any daft way be superior to each other in any way. Piety is the only criteria for superiority and yet, who can claim to be more pious than another’ Only Allah Ta'ala knows who is pious and who is not. What we should strive for is to gain knowledge of deen and of our obligations towards our children. It is a lack of deeni knowledge and a rejection of Allah Ta'ala's laws which drive parents to do as they wish with their children. They usurp their children's rights and worst of all, they incur the wrath of Allah Ta'ala in every way. Your parents in law should take serious note of what they are planning to do and avoid calamities from befalling upon them. Surely in the hereafter the repurcussions will be most severe. May Allah Ta'ala guide all concerned and end the animosity and anger. May each Muslim accept the other for Allah Ta'ala's pleasure, for surely then only can we truly have 'brotherhood' in Islam. Ameen. I include an article on Forced marriages (below) for your information. ( Also read answer to question 9345). and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best 1SOCIAL DEPT. CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai Forced Marriages Uzma Mazhar The most important thing to recognize is that Islâm does not permit or validate any contract (business or otherwise) of a minor. A child, who does not understand the implications of a contract is not permitted to make or give consent to contracts on his/her behalf. All contracts have certain requirements that have to be fulfilled, and it is necessary for a person to fully understand not only the requirements but what it entails to fulfill that contract, ie: the implication of the fine print. Islam restricts a minor's free control of his wealth or person and a wali is assigned in such cases. The same applies in matters of marriage. In the absence of a father the wali could be another adult of the family or assigned by court. Since Islâm does not allow a minor to conduct business or make financial decisions for himself or herself, a marital contract of a minor falls under the same premise. Islâm does not give a father the right to use his children's wealth without their permission, how could he be allowed to decide, without the daughter's permission, how her body (which is more important than her wealth) is to be used, specially when she disagrees to and is mature enough to decide for herself’ Abu Hurayrah (ra) reported that the Prophet (saw) said: "A previously married woman may not be married without her command, and a never married woman may not be married without her permission; and permission for her is to remain silent (because of her natural shyness)." (Al-Bukhâri, Muslim, and others) The Prophet (saw) prohibits forcing a woman in marriage without her permission, whether it be by her father or anyone else. Áisha (ra) said that she asked the Prophet (saw): "In the case of a young girl whose parents marry her, should her permission be sought or not’" He replied, "Yes, she must give her permission." She then said, "But a young woman will be shy, O Allâh's Messenger." He answered: "Her silence is [considered as] her permission." (Al-Bukhâri, Muslim, and others) The difference between the previously married woman and a never married woman in the hadîth of the Prophet (saw) is not a differentiation between compulsion and non-compulsion; rather, the difference between the two cases is that (a) the previously married woman gives her instructions for the marriage (b) the never married woman gives permission The reason given for this is that a never-married woman may be shy in discussing the matter of her marriage, so she is not proposed to directly; rather, her wali (guardian) is approached, he must have her permission. As for a previously married woman who can discuss the matter of her own marriage, she can be proposed to directly, and she gives the command to her wali to perform the marriage, and he must obey her. Thus the wali is command-executor in the case of the previously married woman, and is permission-seeker in the case of a never-married woman. This is what the Prophet's words indicate. As for compelling a woman to marry despite her loathing to do so, this would contradict the fundamental principles of choice and right to making decisions about your own life.. Allâh Ta'ala did not permit a wali to force his ward to sell or rent her property without her permission. Neither did Allâh Ta'ala permit the parent or guardian to force his ward to eat or drink or wear that which she does not wish. How would He then oblige her to marry a person whose company she hates’ However, instances in which 'silence is as permission' is widely abused. IF you are in a situation which is forcing you against your will then you should actively and patiently do the following : 1. Try very politely & show your parents/gardians the relevant ayas in the Quran and refer them to the Sun'na Hadithes etc. 2. In tandem , ask your knowledgeable group / circle mature friends to talk to your parents on a regular basis. Impress on them that THEY are NOT exempt from hisab / punishment for not obeying the Quran in their ignorance/pride or whatever.The Quran forbids us to follow in the wrong footsteps of our parents / grand parents etc; this ALSO applies to your parents. They sometimes FALSELY THINK that being parents GIVES THEM a right that IS NOT GIVEN to them in the Quran. NO ONE OWNS anyone. A girl MUST NOT be forced into a depressive unhappy life for the sake of anyone; its cruelty & oppression and is a by product of IGNORANCE & PRIDE. 3. You can persuade the local mosque imam to speak to them 4. And at ALL times humbly pray to ALLAH ...this is what most muslim westernised girls leave out!..... asking HIM to guide your parents and prevent a social disaster !.....ie IF the girl DOES NOT LIKE the groom at all. The final choice should be hers.

Fatwa # 7666 from United States

Category

Divorce (Talaaq)

Title

My husband uses very abusive language, beats me up and threatens to divorce me every time he is angry and thinks that he can use this as a disciplinary tool. What does Hadith say about this behaviour.

Question

My husband slaps me so hard that he bruises me if he perceives my tone of voice as rude or sarcastic or if I make a small mistake. He also keeps threatening me and telling me that he will divorce me and turn me out of the house every time he gets angry. (Although I don’t think that I am sarcastic or rude , I think he perceives it that way to justify his bad behavior). Also he uses a harsh tone of voice to talk to me and he is ill mannered and unkind to me on a daily basis. He also says things like you are of bad character and that you have a boyfriend and tries to apply "bhautan" on me and uses abusive words like "haramzadi.". I pray and I am a woman of good character, I clean, cook and do all the housework. He Is a hypocrite and he appears to be very religious in front of others and tries to quote hadiths to appear very knowledgeable and gets respect from people outside this way .He is very kind and good to other people out side the house but he is cruel and abusive towards me. What Does the Quran and Sunnah say about such behaviors. I want to know if I am justified in thinking that I should leave a man like this and take Khula’ .

Answer

It most certainly hurts seeing another sister going through the pain of physical and verbal abuse and unhappiness. You sound as if your confidence and self-esteem is broken. From what you say is inflicted on you, is most certainly unacceptable in Islaam. In fact when Zulm (oppression) is inflicted on a person, your duas reach Allah Ta’ala above the heavens and your duas are surely answered even if not immediately. However from the ayaats recited in the Nikah khutba (from the Quraan), strong warning is given to the believers to fear Allah and not to do things that would displease Him. Furthermore one of the ayaats instructs men "to treat the women with kindness" (exemplary character/good conduct). However despite the instructions and warnings in the Quraan and Hadith, it is sad that man persists in disobedience to his Creator and harms the creation. May Allah forgive him and guide him. Nevertheless, there are possible solutions. Firstly assess your situation ‘ have you thought of possible options to stop the abuse’ Say no’ Protect your self’ All with the intention of firmly stopping ‘ not fighting back neither submitting and allowing out of fear’ Try but ensure that you are near on exit to allow easy escape and inform some reliable neighbour, friend or family. Alternately seek intervention of a sound balanced just family member from your side to speak to someone on his side to jointly put a stop to the abuse and to build love, care and family bonding between you both. Seek intervention of a caring, rightly guided Aalim. At the same time build your confidence by pondering on your beauty and positive qualities Allah Ta’ala has bestowed you with. Beautify yourself, indulge and spoil yourself to uplift your moods eg. Be it a new look (within something that you wanted pleasing to you etc.). Become strong and believe you are good, smart and beautiful. Insha-Allah your husband would take interest in this new positive attitude and outlook. Should all attempts fail perhaps seek temporary separation - not divorce with the intention of some elderly family member or Aalim. Try resolving and discussing with your husband possible options and solutions during this separation, to resolving your disputes with commitment. However if you still consider divorce, look at long-term outcomes and feasibility. Would you manage’ What is the need to separate’ Would you manage financially’ How would you manage’ What about effects of divorce on the children’ Was there ever a time that your husband was good to you and never beat you up’ Is there then a possibility that he could change’ Is he having an affair’ Does he suffer from an inferiority complex’ Or has he had a disturbing past or unfortunate experience’ Was he beaten up as a child or learnt this habit from his father or other family members’ Is there a financial problem’ After assessing all this perhaps with more information, further guidelines can be given. And Allah knows best. May Allah Ta’ala resolve your difficulties, grant you the great reward of Sabr that you have made and are making and grant you lifelong happiness in this world and the next. You most certainly may contact us again. Jazakallah for your confidence in us. and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best 2SOCIAL DEPT. CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai