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Bradford
Blues
My name is Aisha, I live in Bradford. When I was 18, I was taken to Pakistan
to marry my first cousin from a village just outside Mirpur, Azad Kashmir.I was married without my consent. I tried to tell
my parents that I do not have anything in common with this person from a different country yes it is a very different country.
After all what does an upbringing in Great Britain have to do with the culture, ideas and upbringing in Pakistan?Nevertheless,
under immense family pressure I unwilling went ahead with the Nikah and knew that it was a big mistake. I tried my very best
to make it work. I was a doing absolutely everything in my power to please my husband and my in-laws .My brother had in the
same trip just married another cousin from the village. He was overwhelmed by this ‘clever girl’ who seemed to
know how to control my brother so well he could never see what I was suffering. He was blinded by her charisma (don’t
forget this is a illiterate village girl who now my brother has realised has destroyed his life). But that’s another
story.My parents were so happy (I still love them. Don’t we all!) that now not one but two of their
nephews and nieces and their families could benefit financially from this TRANSACTION! Not realising our destruction was imminent.Marriage
from the first night till now has been no less than abuse, mental torture, ungratefulness and a complete disaster.
Aisha, Bradford
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Its
Making Me God MAD!!!!!
Dear Farzana,Where was this site when I so needed it and instead
suffered alone,wondering whether I had lost the plot.Of
all the stories I've read I can relate to each and everyone with the added 'garbage' of in-laws and every tom,
dick and harry who heard he'd married a 'waleity kurri' and their luck had changed for the better.All their lifelong
desires were materialising, but at what cost?My
children's and my happiness, sanity, security and basic human rights.He is a 'jahil' in every sense, I tried and tired from overlooking the obvious
and making excuses for him. Trying to be a achi beewi, listening to his insults about my family and me and now his children.
Nothing I have ever done for him or his family has ever been good enough, because I am a kanjri from walayt.He's mentally unstable(diagnosed) , drinks,
gambles and probably indulges in other forbidden acts.Doesn't support my children and me(conveniently never has money,
which is my fault, but has plenty for trips home and material things for them)Has left me in limbo for going on 14yrs(sigh)
Crawls back when he's in the pits of hell and behaves like I owe him something (what’s his is his and theirs
(backhomers), and what is mine and my kids is his) I've struggled as a lone parent to bring up my kids and am putting
myself through uni to improve our live Inshallah, and he bloody shows up again.This time he's managed to crawl back home
to momma and she has found him a wife and kids asa promised(in the early stages of our joke marriage he was told through letters
and phone calls(early hours of morning when I was asleep)that after getting indefinite he need not stay with me as a wife
and kids would be gotten for him..no problem o(they have plenty of kufr pirs) they live in jahaliya.So he bloody found his
true match now( a jadoo spinning bitch) and now he finds lifes not perfect, but keeps lying to me about everything, will leave
her(back home now)...can't leave her...mommies choice and orders which must be obeyed... she's a bechari(even though
in his words he found that she had put sihr on him to make him ill)..So
after the fights and arguments, his sectioning, taking my savings, policies, constant grief from his family,
his sis my bro marriage(divorced) my children and me have suffered..I can't put every detail here. I’ve struggled
to get through every day,he still thinks he owns me.In
fact I still feel it's my fault, although I never did him any wrong, I don't know what power he has over me but he
makes me feel as though I've done something wrong and his family and him are perfect(direct entry to heaven, his words)I 'm broken into a million tiny pieces, I'm
starting to become aware this situation is at a dead end, but the hope of meeting and marrying a decent guy from the UK is
diminishing because they can go back home and find a 'perfect wife' and will put up with all they throw at them. And
as some of the stories state it leaves you gobsmacked at how they do this and manage to pull the wool over everyone’s
eyes.Because in the end I realise
if they did not marry us British girls they would not be able to marry their 'perfect wives' there.It's only
the pink passport that attracts them when they've destroyed our lives here.I don't know how they can live with themselves. Oh well this is making me ill...gotta stop
Anonymous, Leicester
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Daily
Jang Daily!
I
got married 12 years ago. His foremost love in this world was money. Apart from that it was his daily praise of his country,
arguing about how pure and developed Pakistan was and its people being the best in the world. I would hear the U.K being cursed
and sworn at everyday and how rubbish this country was. Politics sourced from the daily Jang newspaper caused major headaches
in the house. I would hear praises of corrupt current and former rulers of Pakistan.I tried absolutely everything to please
him. I financially supported his poor family. I sponsored his brother’s visa to come to this country. I got his younger
sister married and went to the wedding in Pakistan with bucket loads of gifts and clothes and I did not hear the word that
the whole planet uses. What’s that word hmmmm…..oh yeah its ‘Thank You’.He mentally tortured me,
would play mind games and say to me women are worth less than the dirt on a man’s shoes. He really believes that and
was proud that it was his valued culture from Pakistan. Once he read in the Jang Urdu newspaper that in Balochistan four women
had been buried alive. His response to this evil act was that was good and right (bilkul theek kiya hai)
as the women must have done something wrong! He has the same attitude towards women that get raped!These type of men forget
in less than a spilt second the very person who gives them anything whether it be a British passport, home , money or respect.
They always destroy the very person who made them what they are today.He was ‘religious’ yet amazingly he would
say “I never have to ask for forgiveness as I have never done any ziyadti with anyone or done anything wrong. Basically
he was perfect. Alhamdullilah, I left him and got my divorce through the Islamic council. Now I have complete peace of mind.
No more abuse, ungratefulness and torture. My children are better off without a father who only earned for himself, taught
them nothing but ignorance and bad habits. I have full faith in Allah and he will protect me and my children .We are not
in Africa, we will not starve or suffer. If the right non-Pakistani comes along I will be happy to remarry if not Alhamdulilah
I am still a million times better off.
Fauzia , Bromley
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Finally Free!!!
I was
married in 2002 at the age of 21 after graduating in medical biochemistry from a London uni
to my popee's son from Kotli Azad Kashmir as my mum and dad requested (dad
had won and was getting one of his relatives over, but mum had her go with my older brother...). He was self obsessed, thought
of himself as very pretty and gods gift to earth. I begged my mum to take me back home but she said the families izzat depended
on this and that i would blacken the family name, that everyone needs to get married and it was fard for me, she said as i
had good neyat aso allah would reward me......I went ahead and wow, it appeared that mum was right, he was great, OK still
self obsesesed and him and his sisters did not once thank us for the suitcase loads of presents we bought and we did hear
many complaints about the material of sari's, poor quality CD players and bad suits but i ignored it because they were
so nice. we were given 5 star service, we had an ensuite room with people cooking and cleaning for us, we went out every day
for icecream, sightseeing and shopping (i was obviously paying for it all, but i just did not realise untill later). Any way
as the story goes, he got here, really wanted a kid ASAP (as per orders from back home, as if you have kids with a women,
you will be british and she will be trapped for life). I agreed and got pregnant and he got comfortable and his true colours
started to show. Every night after work i would come home and massage his feet as he complained they hurt, eventually my mum
figured out that his royal highness was wearing a shoe size too small for himself and hence the pain. He would always 'accidently'
hit me with his arms, elbows and knee and my mum would ask about the bruises and i just thought it was an accident every time.
he would also set up traps, like balance objects over doors so they would fall on me or pour water over the electric kettle
and ask for tea and put trip hazards on the floor. he also started to destroy things my younger brother liked (like his playstation)
and sucessfully set him and my mum up as 'shakki' and untrusting of him, i stupidly sided with him and moved away
from my family to give him my full attention. in this time my mum had bought him a car and we taught him to drive and got
him a job as hotel porter as he could not do anything else (and he used to tease me that his freinds' wives had salaries
better then mine and that i was worthless) but he was too high for that job and always complained. As a doting servant wife
i seperatley called his brother, mum and sister over, they came over and each time did something extremely destructive, they
totally looted my money, made him stop working and abused my son. i was living like a zombie, i would wake up, feed my son
(as he was only fed twice a day by me) then go to work, come home, be abused by them with comments like ' don't you
feed yourself with out feeding your husband (who did f-all while i was at work all day) or i cant believe you british girls
make men change nappies, i would then clean up, feed the kids and go to sleep, all to repeat again, untill the weekend where
i was the shopping slave.I became pregnant again and told my inlaws and husband they were sooo unhappy and against it
and told me that my children would all have inherted family diseases and it was a bad idea, ,my son also became unwell and
i began to believe them, under the pressure i miscarried, but i became pregnant again and this time i told my husband, he
cried with his head in his hands. he said how would i go on maternity leave as we had little money and how would we afford
a child, he hated me then and 'accidently' hit me alot in the second pregnanacy, he even kneed me between the legs
when i was 3cm dialated and in labour, but if allah has decreed it nothing can change it, mashalah i now have two healthy
boys. By Allah i will never understand him, but i know he wanted my money, so much so he reminded me of golhem from lord of
the rings, always looking at my money and stroking it calling out 'my precious' (not to mention he began to look like
golhem to), he even started asking about how much he would get from my life insurance if i died. Soon he became as they
all do, a taxi driver, but i never saw his money, i am sure the fancy house him mummy built in pak is all his doing. Also
he stole my payslips and must have forged my signature to apply for his brothers visa again (if he had just asked again i
would have just done it, but his arrogance was his downfall), his family were so angry when i said i would not go to support
the refused visa case to court because of what they did behind my back. he became violent and would hit me alot and freak
out if i would not sleep with him at least once a week, it was so hard to sleep with someone you know wants you dead.
but what finally did it was that he punched my 2 year old in the face giving him a black eye and blamed nursery, but after
years of trying to leave him and being forced back by the dodgy molvi, the uncle, the dad, finally i had proof for the first
time as someone had seen him in action and was willing to testify. alhumdodlilllah i have left him in march 2010, you wont
believe the number of family members who have since said to me that my story is normal and nothing to worry about, every body
fights, men are jerks, i should take him back and keep an eye on the kids, it will be fine and if i dont i will be alone forever
as i have baggage now or i should do it for the kids. well you know what, they are wrong, it might be the norm now but it
is not a sin to leave the devil, infact it is wrong to live with someone who hates you and wants to destroy any ounce of happiness
you or your children have, i left him for the kids. I would rather be alone then live the nightmare i was in, my kids do not
need to learn the filthy habits that man had. i dont understand why he did what he did and its not right, but i am so eternally
grateful to my creator for showing me the truth and the way out. May allah protect us all from these evil and twisted men/women.
please do not make this mistake. Allah bless the creators of this web site for allowing us to speak the truth.
ZY, Slough
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Someone Finally Understands!
I'm glad someone finally understands what I am going through.I
have tried to be a good wife but some people are never happy. It does not feel like a marriage anymore and I've been
married for nearly 11 years. They say alot of arranged marriages are successful but it may be due to a lot of women
not speaking up and getting on with it. At this moment in time I feel I have put up with enough and can’t carry on this
way anymore. I guess I've finally realised as you said he will NEVER change. I will need to make drastic changes
if I want to live how I want live. I do want to speak with someone outside my immediate family as I have issues that I cannot
speak to them about. I guess I need advice and support as sometimes I feel extremely low and feel I cannot go on. I carry
on for my son but do not want him to see me unhappy any longer.
Anonymous, Nottingham
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Sister-in-law
from Hell
What an enlightening website! MashAllah! I am absolutely stunned how accurate you
are, without even knowing who my sister in law is, you have described as if you have met her and had cups of tea in her house
from your childhood to adult hood.
Let me tell you my story. My brother got married from Pakistan with a
village girl. She's nothing special to look at, so it wasn't beauty that won my brother over- but it was because
my mother insisted he married due to his age (he was 36) Now my mother bless her, thought she was doing an immense favour
on a family who was extremely poor, and making it so they are a 'waras' of the home. She thought all Pakistani
women were good women. She, like all Pakistani mothers, has deep respect for the people of Pakistan and Pakistan itself.
Now, you mentioned being tricked by a relative, well, this was done by our very own chachi, (who is my sister in laws khala)
She made it out like our sister in law was something pretty special, and would be specifically trained to live with us, who
we would never be able to find fault, she provided so many reassurances and mother took her word. However we never really
got to meet her or even talk to her, as she made sure we didn't engage in any conversations with her and she lied about
her age making her a couple of years older than she was.
Needless to say the marriage took place. And months
later she started to show her true colours by demanding money, her 'Haq'. From that point on, my sisters and
I pretty much sussed her out and advised our mum not to make the mistake of bringing her to the UK. But they did anyway,
as they wanted the marriage to work. Now months later, she is finally in the UK. She arrived on a winters evening,
not even a warm smile coloured her face or cheeks. She would constantly create tensions (as my brother was not living
in the home and she wanted to be with him) Ok, understandable. Now, 6 months later he is living here. But like
you mentioned she pretty much targeted the mother-in-law. Her hate for my mother is soo strong that it oozes out into
the house, bringing tension, constant dramas, disrespect. She is very 'chalak' and will only cook in front of
my brother as well as cleans, so he can see and thinks we are infact the bad ones. She now only cooks for my brother
and spends all her time upstairs in the bedroom. She will say comments that are downright cheeky and make you gasp at
her audacity. Like you said, my mother thought she would be grateful, instead she got 'why did you get me married,
here', 'I want to live in my own house', and ‘I hate your mother'.
One thing you didn't
mention though was the constant lies told about dying or having a severe illness, which meant she can't cook, clean or
even do anything. But had the energy to go to the park or take little rides in the car, even opportunity to put on her
make-up (once in a blue moon, not that this makes her anymore beautiful) But my brother, bless him, is sucker and a
fool, because he is easily weakened by her.
As you said, she has been trying to get herself pregnant for months
and months now, to establish herself here. I think she will probably be successful, because no matter how much we tell
my brother what she is really about, and even though he knows this about her, he still is with her. She is not willing
to go back to Pakistan, so my brother will now have to be stuck with her forever.
And thats where the story ends....
Another family, another sucker was born....
JazakAllah for listening.
Rubina, London
Jekyll and Hyde
I’ve been married 14 years. Talk about split
personality!. One second he’s like smiling and I’ll go to make a cup of tea for him and totally without warning
he will start shouting. Why did you go to the shopping centre yesterday or come up with some other silly reason to argue?I
am so depressed because I can’t do anything that pleases him. He is unpredictable to say the least and totally ungrateful.
He is not mentally stable.
Tasnim, Withheld
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Not Two faced but Few faced.
I am not sure if he is a Muslim because Islam defines. He is sweet on EVERYONES face but as soon as they leave
the house he curses them.The unislamic things he does are imaginable and I cant even describe them out of not offending anyone.
Is my Nikah valid with a hypocrite as hypocrites are worse than Kafirs and will be in the lowest hell. Narrated By 'Abdullah bin 'Amr
The Prophet
said, "Whoever has the following four (characteristics) will be a pure hypocrite and whoever has one of the following
four characteristics will have one characteristic of hypocrisy unless and until he gives it up.
1. Whenever he
is entrusted, he betrays.
2. Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie.
3. Whenever he makes a covenant, he proves treacherous.
4. Whenever he quarrels, he behaves in a very imprudent, evil and insulting manner."
My husband has all of the above? IF YOU MEET
HIM YOU WILL THINK HE’S THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET BUT IN REALITY HE THE MOST HEARTLESS, CALLOUS PERSON I’VE
EVER MET.
See a Kafir
is blatant he drinks , does the Haram doesn’t hide it , whereas a hypocrite is the one who PROCLAIMS ISLAM, talks about
it even preaches it and possibly has a beard!Anyone who utters the Shahadah without commitment is A MUNAFIQ (Pretender). A
KAFIR IS BETTER THAN A MUNAFIQ. Because you know the former is your enemy; but the latter pretends to be A MUSLIM He controls
my every movement. I can’t meet my best friends. He gets jealous at the slightest opportunity of me having even a glimpse
of happiness. After which he will do everything to remove that happiness.
Anonymous
He Says He’s the Best Father
My one abuses our children, always swearing at them and never spends a penny of his money on them.
You see that’s his money (the money he earns is for hoarding and his family only) .I happily spend our money on my children.
He has never been nice to me as he says that would “spoil” me.I am living with this animal and it’s been
10 very long years rather like a life sentence for no crime committed. No one knows and no one cares. Not even my family.
I have had to call the police on him many times due to his physically violent behaviour but he never changes as he sees nothing
wrong with his behaviour. He sees himself as an angel. He keeps promising he will change, I keep taking him back and then
it’s Groundhog Day all over again.He is always angry and miserable. He has never been happy and is always discontent.
Having lived with him for over 10 years I now know why he is always miserable. It’s because these people (yes there
all the same) are so ungrateful to people and Allah that Gods’ curse is on them to never be content.He even challenges
and curses Allah. He says “Allah why have you been so horrible to me? Why have you done this to me? “.Done what I ask?
He drives a Mercedes, eats meat everyday (yes Daal is haram for these people). He drinks fizzy drinks like there from the
fountain of eternal youth. I
have 2 lovely children and don’t know what to do!! Someone advise me please (sorry but I’m in tears now).
Anonymous ,Dewsbury
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Control
Freak
My husband
is a complete control freak. He checks my phone and goes through the log of calls and text messages. I am never allowed to
talk to a man but he can talk to as many women as he likes. He controls my every movement. I can’t meet my best friends.
He gets jealous at the slightest opportunity of me having even a glimpse of happiness. After which he will do everything to
remove that happiness. He has to do this because he has nothing to offer the world and knows I can do much better without
him.
Anonymous,
Bradford
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Insecure
My psycho (can’t
think of a better name) is so insecure as he knows I am capable of achieving success in life that he constantly puts me down
and degrades me. I even start to think I am completely worthless because that’s all I have heard for the last four and
a half years. He once argued with me that Doctor is spelt ‘Doctar’. That’s just one example of how Jahil
these people are. He still sticks to the fact that it is spelt Doctar ! He has made my life a living nightmare. I’m
fed up and don’t know what to do.
Anonymous
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Was
anyone going to tell me?
I got
married from Karachi in 1999. My parents had arranged this Rishta without telling me. I was at college and wanted to go on
and become a doctor but for them it was more important that their reputation as parents whose daughter would never refuse
their choice of life partner be maintained. The irony was that I was the last one to find out that I was about to get married.I
could not save myself. I would just like to describe my experiences in these words.These men have ”Unstable split personalities, Play
Mind games, Enjoy Harassment etc etc… It will be a living hell. Do not do it. Please believe me.”
Sana
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My Holiday to Karachi
I was married to an ‘educated’
man from Karachi. I did not plan this marriage. I went to Pakistan on holiday with my family. I met him at a cousin’s
house and was overwhelmed by his constant smile and pampering of me and my family. He told me he was an I.T consultant which
was a lie as was so many other things. Before the marriage he treated me and my family to ice parlours, shopping sprees in
Karachi not to mention the finest restaurants. He seemed at the time like a very generous man. He would even give money to
the poor beggars in front of me and my family.I jumped at the opportunity as I thought I would be the luckiest girl in the
world to marry this man. So unexpectedly agreed to his proposal and married him in the same holiday. I
did not plan to get married so soon but I was so overwhelmed by his charm.After the Nikah I stayed behind with him for almost
1 year. This is when I saw his true colours. He was the exact opposite of what he was before our marriage. He would swear
at the poor and was extremely miserly. We never went out anywhere. The shopping trips and ice cream trips were just to lure
me into marrying him. I left him in Karachi and never bought him to England. Thank God
Samina, London
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My Family
My husband always curses his family but when it comes to
giving them money and support he will do anything for them just because it’s his culture. They are so horrible to him
and he knows that but he can’t focus on his own children. He spends hardly a penny on his own kids and if he does he
always angry and in a mood but his nephews and nieces back home have to get everything and his sisters of course. He believes
the only women in the world worthy of respect are sisters and his mother .All other women are worthless including his wife.
I don’t mind him living for
his family even though he hates them and they hate him. He does not fulfil our rights at all.
Anonymous , London
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His Student Visa
I met a Pakistani man on a student
visa outside a shopping centre in Manchester. I was always told by my friends to never marry a ‘freshie’ but I
didn’t care as he was so nice. I thought my friends were just jealous. Little did I know that when he was staring into
my big brown eyes he could only see a red passport!Anyway, got married in a rush. He had no family here so the rishta was
done through a family he knew. My whole family was so impressed with him. He was apparently so nice until he applied for his,
yes, you have guessed it indefinite leave to remain. He applied for it got the stay and the rest is history. I don’t
know where he is., He just left and I am still in Nikah. I have applied to the Shariah council for invalidation of the Nikah.
Anonymous, Manchester
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Attacked
my Younger Sister
My stories
similar to many sisters on this site. The only additional thing I would like to add is that my one made an sexual advance
on my 17 year old younger sister. She was viciously attacked whilst at home on her own. She has never been able to recover
from the mental scars and is suffering from depression and low self esteem. She does not go out anymore. He had no remorse
and denied the whole thing.I thankfully kicked him out. I have now Alhamduililah moved on and found a brother on an online
matrimonial site. He’s British, straightforward and civilised and we are getting married next month inshaAllah.
Anonymous
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History Repeating
My dilemma is that not only am I suffering, I am so scared of him
that I am so afraid that I will not be able to stop him getting my 2 daughters to his nephews.If I cant stop it they will suffer an even worse fate
than me because now the men there are bigger and better as they are the internet generation and know even more. I worry for
my daughter’s future. I can’t fight him he’s too violent and aggressive. He says they have to marry from
there. I may have to get the UK government involved when the time comes.
Anonymous, Burton
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My Husband was “Educated”
I got engaged to a cousin in
1999 who was apparently educated so I thought I was one of the lucky ones! I thought because he was educated I would be just
fine. How wrong was I? He had a degree in Psychology. Don’t be impressed because I know you won’t believe me but
he couldn’t spell psychology. You see the education system there is flawed (as is everything - riddled with corruption).
In Pakistan for your “education”, you can cheat or learn in a parrot fashion (memorise without understanding a
thing) or bribe someone. That’s why the educated are not like the educated here or I would say anywhere in the world.
Where else can you find an English literature graduate who can’t write a single correct sentence in English! Besides
education does not stop the corrupt ideas and culture!My husband, before the Nikah was ‘exceptionally nice to me and
my family. Our wishes were his command. You name it, he did it to please us. I was overwhelmed and so impressed. I did not
realise until after he came to England. You see he needed me to get to the land of milk and honey and I was just the thing
to use and abuse to get to the U.K. Once here, he refused to work as he knew I had a good job. He would demand special treatment
from me and my family. Food had to be completely fresh and yesterday’s food was impossible to ever be eaten. All this
fussy attitude shocked me as he was earning less than £1 a day in Pakistan. Don’t worry they all say they had
“bank ki nokri” there and were earning Rs.100,000 a month and were given a house and car by the company. All a
load of *%^£. I fell pregnant and went through an exceptionally difficult (due to a rare condition) pregnancy on my
own. He did not attend the birth and would never be home. In 5 years of marriage he never once sympathised
with me on any matter. For a Pakistani man to show affection to his wife is a cardinal sin. He did not have a heart of stone
he was simply heartless.I am still living with him but cant see myself suffering all my life. I am considering leaving him.I
have many friends who married from Pakistan all with similar stories the only problem is they have no voice as their families
don’t want to rock the boat, discuss it, confront the man, or they keep quite for honours sake.
Anonymous, Surrey
Two sisters
I am born and bred in Birmingham.
Brummie through and through lol. My sister and I got married to two brothers from Peshawar. Big mistake is an understatement.
Our husbands came to England and the fights would just not stop. We bought a house with my dad’s money for all 4 of
us to live in. My sister and I had no bad intentions so bought the house solely in our husband’s names. During our marriage
my husband made a move on my sister. We would both cry all the time as they would harass us all the time. My sister got pregnant
and had a baby. Now we are both divorced and fighting for the house that we paid for.
Anonymous, Birmingham
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I’m a GP (I was
Grossly Pessimistic)
Asalam’alaaikam,
I am a medical doctor and live in Forest Gate, London. My marriage was arranged by my family. He claimed to be an engineer.
It only came to light after the wedding that it was actually his father who was an engineer and not him !! Weird? I know !
It’s like that in Pakistan. At the local Chemists ‘the dispensary man’ is called Doctor Sahib!He was manipulative,
cunning and highly arrogant. I left my highly paid job in London to work in a hospital in Karachi on his insistence. I wanted
to do the right thing and be the committed and loyal wife that one should be.I worked in 3 hospitals and what I saw is inconceivable
to any civilised person. My colleagues (the highly educated doctors) were heartless, unprofessional and ruthless. The irony
was that many had studied and practiced in the west therefore knew what ethical codes doctors were obliged to abide by internationally.
I would see the poor suffer so give them free treatment. For displaying human sympathy, I lost my job in one of the hospitals.
Doctors would prescribe medicines to the poor that were only contrived and fit for animals. I am not exaggerating in the slightest.
If during an operation a person was dying there would be no sense of urgency or responsibility to save this person. Contentiousness
was non-existent. This is the country from where I married. I was constantly told not to be kind to the poor and needy and
even prevented from helping! Regardless of this, I did the best I could as a Muslim and human being. Sorry but I had to tell
you this even though it’s not related to my marriage.Back to my husband. My life with him was not a marriage it was
a constant battleground. I dislike arguments whereas his immense anger was uncontrollable and would lead to him breaking things
in the house. He would constantly put me down and tell me I am worthless. He was insecure and inconsequential so he had to
put me down .The strange thing is I actually started to believe I was worthless.The only reason he never he hit me was that
he was scared of what people would think. See these people don’t fear or even believe in God in my opinion. They only
fear their fake reputation being harmed. After countless arguments and 3 years he finally decided to let me go back to England
with him. I fell pregnant in the U.K and had our child in 2005. He refused to get a job as I was a high earner. I lived with
him only because he was the biological father of my son. He was not a father in any other way whatsoever. Arguments continued.
I tried counselling with him nothing worked. I finally applied for a divorce and am now happily married to a Doctor.
Hira, Forest Gate
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The Tenant
My story is about the man I married whom I
know very little about. You see he lives in my house in the same way as a tenant. Only difference being that tenants actually
pay rent!He does not pay any bills and I pay the mortgage. He does however bring meat home for me to cook for him and not
to mention he always has enough money for his cigarettes and petrol. He drives my car so as to not use any petrol in his car.
See for him it’s a ‘Me, Myself and I’ attitude. He is boring and selfish. He does not want to work so works
part time on and off .He goes out all day long and comes back usually around before dawn. I stay up all night waiting for
him and because I am scared on my own at night with the kids. My family don’t give a damn about me.
Anonymous
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The Job Applications
My ones father owned a general store in a village on the
outskirts of Jhelum. By the way the general/grocery store was spelt “GANERAL STORES”. He would mention his dad’s
shop which had sales of Rs.4000 a month (£35 a month) as if it was bigger than Tescos’.He came to England and
I showed him the sights. The London Eye, Big Ben, Madame Tussauds, the Tate Gallery etc nothing impressed him as Jhelum was
much bigger and better of course!!I tried to get him a job everywhere. I must have filled in 100’s of application forms.
Most interviews he would not even turn up for and others he attended he just could not get the job as he can only speak broken
English and can’t even hold a conversation with a brick wall.I still filled in the forms and send out his CV (if you
can call it that!).Don’t ask why I even bother! He cant’ get a job and when he gets one it’s never good
enough so he leaves after a week or so.Its all my fault……..When it rains it’s my fault, He can’t
speak English its my fault, He is not ‘successful’ it’s my fault, He has no money it’s my fault’
Its all my fault.
Anonymous,
Dudley
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The Call from Croydon
Yes you’ve probably guessed.
Got married, he waited 3 years .one day he got a magical letter, went to the Home office in Croydon for this indefinite stay
without telling me. That day he gave me a ‘missed call’ because he didn’t want to waste his money. I called
him back and he told me that he had just got his permanent residence in the U.K and that was all that he married me for. I
never heard of him again. I complained to his family and they fully supported him. You see his family promised me and assured
me he would never do that.He left me with a 7 month old daughter. I pray to Allah for justice and advise everyone to learn
from what happened to me.
Anonymous, Willesden Green
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Money Money Money!!!
Not much to say really. Just that “The
Be End And All End” for him is Money. The only topic of discussion is money, the only aim in life is money. And it can
come through fraud, work or siphoning. He even can’t wait for my dad to die would you believe. He challenged my father
and questioned him about his will. He says he wants the English law equivalent paid to him (not me the daughter!) when my
dad dies. He’s arguing that the Shariah amount (equal to half of my brother’s share) is not fair. How evil and
greedy can you get? He has absolutely no honour or dignity. This is a man who dresses Islamic ally and has a long beard!!!!He
is full of jealously and hates everyone but meets them like their long lost family. He can’t take anyone having a nice
car ,house or any success in life.Money is his only mission and he will do everything to get to it. What does he do with
the money? Well, nothing just counts it again and again!!
Noora ,Huddersfield
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The Mysterious Second Wife
I am from High Wycombe. I married a
Pakistani man who was already married and had kids in Pakistan. His family did not tell us of course. I used to wonder why
he would go to Pakistan for 4 months at a time. Now I know why! He lives with me just because its free and he can
save up money to go Pakistan and spend on his “real family”.
Anonymous, High Wycombe
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Nothing Works My husband argues constantly. He looks
for a reason to fight. When I try to reason with him no logic works. Arguments are based on similar issues as below:
· Why did you wear a red suit today? It was to annoy me!
·
Why did you go to your
sisters house?
·
Why didn’t your
brother do salam to me properly?
·
You were staring at that
guy in the shop.
·
Why do you have to speak
English, speak Punjabi with your cousins?
I’ve tried every way possible. If I remain quite, he will provoke me until I respond. If I shout the kids suffer so
I can’t do that, if I speak nicely he gets even more arrogant. I can’t find a solution.
Asma
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Paddy Power
My husband came to this country
and worked for a year in a sandwich factory. He is now a cab driver when he wants to be! He got into a habit of gambling and
just can’t kick the habit. Well it’s not just that. He can’t stop kicking me when I don’t give
him money for his habit.
Anonymous, High Wycombe
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‘Weed’
Never Get Married If I Knew
My husband
is a drug addict. He was already an addict in Pakistan but no one told us. His family knew. Once he got here he looked for
his type of people on street corners. I have 3 children. I used to drive but can’t anymore. Guess why? He sold my car
for money. The car was worth £2000 he sold it £750.Why should he care it’s only his wife and kids. By the
way in case you’re thinking, I paid for the car.I’m still married and everyday is an uphill struggle……..
Maryam
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Meat, Meat and more Meat.
Meat is everything. I am never
allowed to cook vegetables. Pizza and pasta are also out of the question. Meet everyday twice a day. Its been 21 years and
its meat everyday with 4 rotis every time. Not to mention the only thing he drinks is coca cola. Water is forbidden he can
only drink coke. I tried to understand it and worked out that because he was poor and he cant believe he can have meat every
day and coke is a luxury in Pakistan he can’t get over it. His greed for the stuff just does not diminish.
Why don’t other nationalities behave, like this????
Anonymous, Burnley
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My Rado Watch
Being a very positive and romantic
person, when I got married I tried my very best to please my husband. I was also aware of my Islamic duty to my husband.He
arrived at Heathrow wearing his brown 'flairs' and a cream shirt. I went the following day to NEXT and bought him
some sets of clothes. There was no appreciation . But this went on for many years. He would abuse me. I would chase him and
try to please him. I would call his mobile constantly and worry about him not being happy with me. I have bought him a BMW,
the all essential Rado watch, designer suits you name it , but he has never said thank you of appreciated anything. Rather
he says I have done absolutely nothing for him. He constantly puts me down. He tells me all the time that
I am useless and that he can find a better wife any day.
He has no shame when discussing disgraceful things he’s done. He happily
discusses his corruption with great pride. He says “I once worked for someone and used to steal cash from the till”
and “I made a fool of that person” to name a few. I was lucky my best friend was married to one as well. She told
me a strange thing. If you’re good to them they will destroy you more and more. I know it goes against logic and the
civilised world but that’s why they treat people badly. To gain respect!. Don’t ask why. It works its just does!!So
I still cook for him and look after him I just don’t do the things he will never appreciate. The things he will throw
back in my face again and again. Its still not a happy marriage as he will never change as Pakistani men are stubborn, arrogant
and never accept their fault. The
only solution is to not live with one! You can’t beat them. They are too stubborn and ignorant. They never give up.
You will get tired and end up depressed or in a mental asylum. I found my solution in following Islam and knowing that it is not
my right to be treated like this.
Anonymous, Glasgow
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