|
 |
| |
Quote From An Elderly ‘Uncle’.
Before you start reading the stories
victims have sent us, please think about what a 68 year old uncle told us:
He said “I have three daughters. Two of them married
British guys and one I got married to a Pakistani man. When I compare my two daughter’s lives to the one married from
Pakistan, I say to myself. Look what I have done to my daughter’s life. I will have to answer to Allah on the Day Of
Judgement for the abuse my daughter is suffering every day because of me”.
Then he said something even more
shocking. The uncle said, “ I should have murdered my own daughter, that would have been much better than getting
her married to a Pakistani”
Bradford Blues
My
name is Aisha, I live in Bradford. When I was 18, I was taken to Pakistan to marry my first cousin from a village just outside
Mirpur, Azad Kashmir.I was married without my consent. I tried to tell my parents that I do not have anything in common with
this person from a different country yes it is a very different country. After all what does an upbringing in Great Britain
have to do with the culture, ideas and upbringing in Pakistan?Nevertheless, under immense family pressure I unwilling went
ahead with the Nikah and knew that it was a big mistake. I tried my very best to make it work. I was a doing absolutely everything
in my power to please my husband and my in-laws .My brother had in the same trip just married another cousin from the village.
He was overwhelmed by this ‘clever girl’ who seemed to know how to control my brother so well he could never see
what I was suffering. He was blinded by her charisma (don’t forget this is a illiterate village girl who now my brother
has realised has destroyed his life). But that’s another story.My parents were so happy (I still love them. Don’t
we all!) that now not one but two of their nephews and nieces and their families could benefit financially from this
TRANSACTION! Not realising our destruction was imminent.Marriage from the first night till now has been no less than abuse,
mental torture, ungratefulness and a complete disaster.
Aisha, Bradford
______________________________________________________________
The Student Visa – Indefinite
Leave to Destroy!
I am UK White British woman
who married a guy who was here on a student visa. He rushed me to do the Nikah. He told me it was in his religion. Anyhow
he deceived me and all he does is send regular money abroad (large sums) but does not support me or our baby. His family
make me MAD. They are all just lazy. They do no work and keep having babies. I work Full Time and have to look after my baby
and the home with no financial support from him. His family remain in Pakistan and think money grows on trees and the
pavements here are paved with gold. The fact that my husband has been in UK for the two magical years required to sponsor
. All his family are submitting visa applications and come over for a minimum of six months. He’s even asked me to get
my sister married to his brother!Before the Nikah marriage he was a true gentleman but now I know it was all an act, a game. In
the beginning when I was in love (after the NIkah) he once asked me “If I die would you remarry?”. I said “No”
and I meant it. Then I asked him the same question and he said “ If I die I want you to marry my brother in Pakistan”.
Unbelievable how for him I am just a thing, a visa, a passport and nothing more than that !!I am just a meal ticket to them all. They
have no feelings about me and my child whatsoever. I got trapped and I am begging all women out there please don’t fall
for the charm, the stories, the promises. Nothing will come of it. Once he gets you trapped and married he will get you pregnant.
There are thousands of students here from Pakistan and they can’t stay here permanently and marriage is the only way
for them. Especially now the government has made strict rules for students in the UK. He told me he had indefinite stay and
a Canadian Passport which was a lie. He has never even been to Canada. His family do not like me even though I am sacrificing
everything for them. I have wrecked my life. My husband follows some kind of tribal trash and does not allow music and
reading of magazines but abusing me is perfectly ‘ halal ’. I don’t regret my baby but I regret marrying
him and I feel I have married his family too. No life, no money, no peace, no future just living for my baby.
______________________________________________________________
Get Lost!
Hi i have been married for 8 years to a freshie from Pakistan arrange by family (cousin).
From the start everything was good soon (only because he wanted money) . I could tell things were not going to be good the
vibe I was getting from his family as he came to the UK he start changing like he owns me telling me what to do all the
time.For a while I had to stay in his brothers house where I was bossed around to cook and clean all day. I was told by
my relatives that it’s not nice to keep your daughter at home she should go and live with her brother
in law. My mother law is in Pakistan then my mum started to listen to what other people were saying and I should
moving with my brother in law who was here on work permit .Soon he was going to call his wife and five kids
which I was meant to help clean and cook she use to boss me around in Pakistan I was told by my husband and my selfish
bro in law what’s the point of me working you stay at home do the house work and feed your son I was told look
how skinny is your son making me feel bad.I never listen carry on working I started work when my son was 4 weeks old
my mum help out to get this freshy here to this day am still working. My husband worked with his brother doing
building work to this day I never seen a penny. He lies to me says he just go there to watch TV. He never ever spent a penny
on his son. I carry on working save my money and bought a house which he wasn’t happy with because it was not on
his name. I was like give a deposit then you could have it on your name he refused five years later am stilling paying my
mortgages he hasn’t given me a penny he is living free driving his car parking around the corner and eating so no one
could see him eating in his car fish and chips fruit u name it if he comes inside he has to give his wife and kid which
will never happen .I really struggle for five years just managed to get my life together all my kitchen units were taken out
there was no hot water by my bro in law and husband there want me to suffer a bit like want to kill me and went me to
stay like a slave at my husbands who also beat me up. I got the police involved. The family members told me to drop
the case and put us back together. I am still with him for the sake of my son I feel really stressed out he is still here.
I am not going to be that stupid to get him the permanent stay that he wants .Freshies are so clever there play with your
mind. Us girls have to be one step ahead of them. I no longer talk to my bro in law or his wife. My freshy is just waiting
for his stay (British passport ) as soon as he gets it he can go to Pakistan and marry one of his freshy cousins. I am
so glad I listened to my heart and not my mind . He is free to leave whenever he wants. I can’t see no future with
these freshies. He can’t change . I am going to stay strong sake for the sake of my son. Don’t worry he will always
be restless and never have peace of mind. I’ve never seen him be happy.That’s his punishment from Allah and the
chalaak freshy hes gonna marry from there will be on his level. She will know how to treat him bad like he deserves. I’m
not evil like them.
Freedom4me, Leicester
______________________________________________________________
Its Making Me Go MAD!!!!!
Dear
Farzana,Where was this site when I so needed it and instead suffered alone,wondering whether I had lost the plot.Of all the
stories I've read I can relate to each and everyone with the added 'garbage' of in-laws and every tom, dick and
harry who heard he'd married a 'walaity kurri' and their luck had changed for the better.All their lifelong desires
were materialising, but at what cost? My children's and my happiness, sanity, security and basic human rights.He is a
'jahil' in every sense, I tried and tired from overlooking the obvious and making excuses for him. Trying to be a
achi beewi, listening to his insults about my family and me and now his children. Nothing I have ever done for him or
his family has ever been good enough, because I am a kanjri from walayt.He's mentally unstable(diagnosed) , drinks, gambles
and probably indulges in other forbidden acts. Doesn't support my children and me(conveniently never has money, which
is my fault, but has plenty for trips home and material things for them)Has left me in limbo for going on 14yrs(sigh) Crawls
back when he's in the pits of hell and behaves like I owe him something (what’s his is his and theirs (backhomers),
and what is mine and my kids is his) I've struggled as a lone parent to bring up my kids and am putting myself through
uni to improve our live Inshallah, and he bloody shows up again.This time he's managed to crawl back home to momma and
she has found him a wife and kids asa promised(in the early stages of our joke marriage he was told through letters and phone
calls(early hours of morning when I was asleep)that after getting indefinite he need not stay with me as a wife and kids would
be gotten for him..no problem o(they have plenty of kufr pirs) they live in jahaliya.So he bloody found his true match now(
a jadoo spinning bitch) and now he finds lifes not perfect, but keeps lying to me about everything, will leave her(back home
now)...can't leave her...mommies choice and orders which must be obeyed... she's a bechari(even though in his words
he found that she had put sihr on him to make him ill)..So after the fights and arguments, his sectioning, taking my savings,
policies, constant grief from his family, his sis my bro marriage(divorced) my children and me have suffered..I can't
put every detail here. I’ve struggled to get through every day,he still thinks he owns me.In fact I still feel it's
my fault, although I never did him any wrong, I don't know what power he has over me but he makes me feel as though I've
done something wrong and his family and him are perfect(direct entry to heaven, his words)I 'm broken into a million tiny
pieces, I'm starting to become aware this situation is at a dead end, but the hope of meeting and marrying a decent guy
from the UK is diminishing because they can go back home and find a 'perfect wife' and will put up with all they
throw at them. And as some of the stories state it leaves you gobsmacked at how they do this and manage to pull the wool over
everyone’s eyes.Because in the end I realise if they did not marry us British girls they would not be able to marry
their 'perfect wives' there.It's only the pink passport that attracts them when they've destroyed our lives
here.I don't know how they can live with themselves. Oh well this is making me ill...gotta stop
Anonymous, Brighton
______________________________________________________________
Just Sit & Watch the Suffering
I totally agree with this, I am a brother, and 4 of my sisters have been married to some
Pakistani p*gs, also my dad’s nephews, and my brother has been married to their sister and they’re planning on
bringing the next girl over for my other brother. First guy comes, sticking his teeth out, smiling like a dog, yes everyone
likes him at first, but i don’t trust him (I’m no genie but I don’t trust the majority of the world and
I automatically can read things about a person and they always turn out to be true). I told everyone I don’t trust him
but what do I know, I was just a kid. I don’t understand things and the next thing you know they’re fighting,
arguing and he pushes her down the stairs and gives her spinal damage, till now they still fight, my sister tells him where
she’s going whenever she’s going out, And then he’ll harass like a psycho and ring every 2 minutes asking
when she’s getting back, and then he will tell the family she went out without telling him. I’m limited with time
so this is all for now, let me know if you want to hear the rest, but Pakistani marriages, its signing a death contract. You
become a vegetable, you get thrown about, abused and you can’t do anything because of family/parents and people like
us have to just sit there and face it!
Anonymous, Manchester
______________________________________________________________
Daily Jang Daily!
I got married 12 years ago. His foremost love in this world was money. Apart from that
it was his daily praise of his country, arguing about how pure and developed Pakistan was and its people being the best in
the world. I would hear the U.K being cursed and sworn at everyday and how rubbish this country was. Politics sourced from
the daily Jang newspaper caused major headaches in the house. I would hear praises of corrupt current and former rulers of
Pakistan.I tried absolutely everything to please him. I financially supported his poor family. I sponsored his brother’s
visa to come to this country. I got his younger sister married and went to the wedding in Pakistan with bucket loads of gifts
and clothes and I did not hear the word that the whole planet uses. What’s that word hmmmm…..oh yeah its ‘Thank
You’.He mentally tortured me, would play mind games and say to me women are worth less than the dirt on a man’s
shoes. He really believes that and was proud that it was his valued culture from Pakistan. Once he read in the Jang Urdu newspaper
that in Balochistan four women had been buried alive. His response to this evil act was that was good and right (bilkul
theek kiya hai) as the women must have done something wrong! He has the same attitude towards women that get raped! These
type of men forget in less than a spilt second the very person who gives them anything whether it be a British passport, home
, money or respect. They always destroy the very person who made them what they are today.He was ‘religious’ yet
amazingly he would say “I never have to ask for forgiveness as I have never done any ziyadti with anyone or done anything
wrong. Basically he was perfect. Alhamdullilah, I left him and got my divorce through the Islamic council. Now I have complete
peace of mind. No more abuse, ungratefulness and torture. My children are better off without a father who only earned for
himself, taught them nothing but ignorance and bad habits. I have full faith in Allah and he will protect me and my children
.We are not in Africa, we will not starve or suffer. If the right non-Pakistani comes along I will be happy to remarry if
not Alhamdulilah I am still a million times better off.
Fauzia , Bromley
______________________________________________________________
Finally Free!!!
I was married in 2002 at the age of 21 after
graduating in medical biochemistry from a London uni to my popee's son from Kotli Azad Kashmir as my mum
and dad requested (dad had won and was getting one of his relatives over, but mum had her go with my older brother...). He
was self obsessed, thought of himself as very pretty and God’s gift to earth. I begged my mum to take me back home but
she said the families izzat depended on this and that i would blacken the family name, that everyone needs to get married
and it was fard for me, she said as i had good neyat aso allah would reward me......I went ahead and wow, it appeared that
mum was right, he was great, OK still self obsessed and him and his sisters did not once thank us for the suitcase loads of
presents we bought and we did hear many complaints about the material of sari's, poor quality CD players and bad suits
but i ignored it because they were so nice. we were given 5 star service, we had an ensuite room with people cooking and cleaning
for us, we went out every day for ice cream, sightseeing and shopping (i was obviously paying for it all, but i just did not
realise untill later). Any way as the story goes, he got here, really wanted a kid ASAP (as per orders from back home, as
if you have kids with a women, you will be british and she will be trapped for life). I agreed and got pregnant and he got
comfortable and his true colours started to show. Every night after work i would come home and massage his feet as he complained
they hurt, eventually my mum figured out that his royal highness was wearing a shoe size too small for himself and hence the
pain. He would always 'accidently' hit me with his arms, elbows and knee and my mum would ask about the bruises and
i just thought it was an accident every time. he would also set up traps, like balance objects over doors so they would fall
on me or pour water over the electric kettle and ask for tea and put trip hazards on the floor. he also started to destroy
things my younger brother liked (like his playstation) and successfully set him and my mum up as 'shakki' and
untrusting of him, i stupidly sided with him and moved away from my family to give him my full attention. in this time my
mum had bought him a car and we taught him to drive and got him a job as hotel porter as he could not do anything else (and
he used to tease me that his freinds' wives had salaries better then mine and that i was worthless) but he was too high
for that job and always complained. As a doting servant wife i separately called his brother, mum and sister over, they came
over and each time did something extremely destructive, they totally looted my money, made him stop working and abused my
son. i was living like a zombie, i would wake up, feed my son (as he was only fed twice a day by me) then go to work, come
home, be abused by them with comments like ' don't you feed yourself without feeding your husband (who did f-all while
i was at work all day) or i can’t believe you british girls make men change nappies, i would then clean up, feed the
kids and go to sleep, all to repeat again, untill the weekend where i was the shopping slave.I became pregnant again
and told my inlaws and husband they were so unhappy and against it and told me that my children would all have inherited family
diseases and it was a bad idea, ,my son also became unwell and i began to believe them, under the pressure i miscarried, but
i became pregnant again and this time i told my husband, he cried with his head in his hands. he said how would i go on maternity
leave as we had little money and how would we afford a child, he hated me then and 'accidently' hit me a lot in the
second pregnancy, he even kneed me between the legs when i was 3cm dilated and in labour, but if Allah has decreed it nothing
can change it, MashAllah i now have two healthy boys. By Allah I will never understand him, but i know he wanted my money,
so much so he reminded me of golhem from lord of the rings, always looking at my money and stroking it calling out 'my
precious' (not to mention he began to look like golhem to), he even started asking about how much he would get from
my life insurance if i died. Soon he became as they all do, a taxi driver, but i never saw his money, I am sure the fancy
house him mummy built in pakland is all his doing. Also he stole my payslips and must have forged my signature to apply for
his brothers visa again (if he had just asked again i would have just done it, but his arrogance was his downfall), his family
were so angry when i said i would not go to support the refused visa case to court because of what they did behind my back.
he became violent and would hit me alot and freak out if i would not sleep with him at least once a week, it was so hard to
sleep with someone you know wants you dead. but what finally did it was that he punched my 2 year old in the face giving
him a black eye and blamed nursery, but after years of trying to leave him and being forced back by the dodgy molvi, the uncle,
the dad, finally i had proof for the first time as someone had seen him in action and was willing to testify. alhumdolilllah
i have left him in march 2010, you wont believe the number of family members who have since said to me that my story is normal
and nothing to worry about, every body fights, men are jerks, i should take him back and keep an eye on the kids, it will
be fine and if I dont I will be alone forever as i have baggage now or i should do it for the kids. well you know what, they
are wrong, it might be the norm now but it is not a sin to leave the devil, infact it is wrong to live with someone who hates
you and wants to destroy any ounce of happiness you or your children have, i left him for the kids. I would rather be alone
then live the nightmare i was in, my kids do not need to learn the filthy habits that man had. i dont understand why he did
what he did and its not right, but i am so eternally grateful to my creator for showing me the truth and the way out. May
allah protect us all from these evil and twisted men/women. please do not make this mistake. Allah bless the creators of this
web site for allowing us to speak the truth.
ZY, Slough
______________________________________________________________
Someone Finally Understands!
I'm glad someone finally understands what I am going through. I have tried to be a good wife but some
people are never happy. It does not feel like a marriage anymore and I've been married for nearly 11 years.
They say alot of arranged marriages are successful but it may be due to a lot of women not speaking up and getting on with
it. At this moment in time I feel I have put up with enough and can’t carry on this way anymore. I guess I've
finally realised as you said he will NEVER change. I will need to make drastic changes if I want to live how I want live.
I do want to speak with someone outside my immediate family as I have issues that I cannot speak to them about. I guess I
need advice and support as sometimes I feel extremely low and feel I cannot go on. I carry on for my son but do
not want him to see me unhappy any longer.
Anonymous, Nottingham
______________________________________________________________
Sister-in-law from Hell
What an enlightening website! MashAllah! I am absolutely stunned how accurate you
are, without even knowing who my sister in law is, you have described as if you have met her and had cups of tea in her house
from your childhood to adult hood.
Let me tell you my story. My brother got married from Pakistan with a
village girl. She's nothing special to look at, so it wasn't beauty that won my brother over- but it was because
my mother insisted he married due to his age (he was 36) Now my mother bless her, thought she was doing an immense favour
on a family who was extremely poor, and making it so they are a 'waras' of the home. She thought all Pakistani
women were good women. She, like all Pakistani mothers, has deep respect for the people of Pakistan and Pakistan itself.
Now, you mentioned being tricked by a relative, well, this was done by our very own chachi, (who is my sister in laws khala)
She made it out like our sister in law was something pretty special, and would be specifically trained to live with us, who
we would never be able to find fault, she provided so many reassurances and mother took her word. However we never really
got to meet her or even talk to her, as she made sure we didn't engage in any conversations with her and she lied about
her age making her a couple of years older than she was.
Needless to say the marriage took place. And months
later she started to show her true colours by demanding money, her 'Haq'. From that point on, my sisters and
I pretty much sussed her out and advised our mum not to make the mistake of bringing her to the UK. But they did anyway,
as they wanted the marriage to work. Now months later, she is finally in the UK. She arrived on a winters evening,
not even a warm smile coloured her face or cheeks. She would constantly create tensions (as my brother was not living
in the home and she wanted to be with him) Ok, understandable. Now, 6 months later he is living here. But like
you mentioned she pretty much targeted the mother-in-law. Her hate for my mother is soo strong that it oozes out into
the house, bringing tension, constant dramas, disrespect. She is very 'chalak' and will only cook in front of
my brother as well as cleans, so he can see and thinks we are infact the bad ones. She now only cooks for my brother
and spends all her time upstairs in the bedroom. She will say comments that are downright cheeky and make you gasp at
her audacity. Like you said, my mother thought she would be grateful, instead she got 'why did you get me married,
here', 'I want to live in my own house', and ‘I hate your mother'.
One thing you didn't
mention though was the constant lies told about dying or having a severe illness, which meant she can't cook, clean or
even do anything. But had the energy to go to the park or take little rides in the car, even opportunity to put on her
make-up (once in a blue moon, not that this makes her anymore beautiful) But my brother, bless him, is sucker and a
fool, because he is easily weakened by her.
As you said, she has been trying to get herself pregnant for months
and months now, to establish herself here. I think she will probably be successful, because no matter how much we tell
my brother what she is really about, and even though he knows this about her, he still is with her. She is not willing
to go back to Pakistan, so my brother will now have to be stuck with her forever.
And thats where the story ends....
Another family, another sucker was born....
JazakAllah for listening.
Rubina, London
Jekyll and Hyde
I’ve
been married 14 years. Talk about split personality!. One second he’s like smiling and I’ll go to make a cup of
tea for him and totally without warning he will start shouting. Why did you go to the shopping mall yesterday or come up with
some other silly reason to argue? I am so depressed because I can’t do anything that pleases him. He is unpredictable
to say the least and totally ungrateful. He is not mentally stable.
Tasnim, Toronto, Canada
______________________________________________________________
Not Two faced but Few faced.
I am not sure if he is a Muslim because Islam defines. He is sweet on EVERYONES face
but as soon as they leave the house he curses them.The unislamic things he does are imaginable and I cant even describe them
out of not offending anyone. Is my Nikah valid with a hypocrite as hypocrites are worse than Kafirs and will be in the lowest
hell. Narrated By 'Abdullah bin 'Amr
The Prophet said, "Whoever has the following four (characteristics)
will be a pure hypocrite and whoever has one of the following four characteristics will have one characteristic of hypocrisy
unless and until he gives it up.
1. Whenever he is entrusted, he betrays.
2. Whenever he speaks, he tells
a lie.
3. Whenever he makes a covenant, he proves treacherous.
4. Whenever he quarrels, he behaves in a very imprudent,
evil and insulting manner."
My husband has all of the above? IF YOU MEET HIM YOU WILL THINK HE’S THE NICEST
PERSON ON THE PLANET BUT IN REALITY HE THE MOST HEARTLESS, CALLOUS PERSON I’VE EVER MET.
See a Kafir is blatant he drinks
, does the Haram doesn’t hide it , whereas a hypocrite is the one who PROCLAIMS ISLAM, talks about it even preaches
it and possibly has a beard! Anyone who utters the Shahadah without commitment is A MUNAFIQ (Pretender). A KAFIR IS BETTER
THAN A MUNAFIQ. Because you know the former is your enemy; but the latter pretends to be A MUSLIM He controls my every movement.
I can’t meet my best friends. He gets jealous at the slightest opportunity of me having even a glimpse of happiness.
After which he will do everything to remove that happiness.
Anonymous, Norway
He says he's
the perfect father and Husband.
My one abuses our children, always swearing at them and never spends a penny of his money on
them. You see that’s his money (the money he earns is for hoarding and his family only) .I happily spend our money on
my children. He has never been nice to me as he says that would “spoil” me.I am living with this animal and it’s
been 10 very long years rather like a life sentence for no crime committed. No one knows and no one cares. Not even my family.
I have had to call the police on him many times due to his physically violent behaviour but he never changes as he sees nothing
wrong with his behaviour. He sees himself as an angel. He keeps promising he will change, I keep taking him back and then
it’s Groundhog Day all over again.He is always angry and miserable. He has never been happy and is always discontent.
Having lived with him for over 10 years I now know why he is always miserable. It’s because these people (yes there
all the same) are so ungrateful to people and Allah that Gods’ curse is on them to never be content. He even challenges
and curses Allah. He says “Allah why have you been so horrible to me? Why have you done this to me? “.Done what
I ask? He drives a Mercedes, eats meat everyday (yes Daal is haram for these people). He drinks fizzy drinks like there from
the fountain of eternal youth. I have 2 lovely children and don’t know what to do!! Someone advise me please (sorry
but I’m in tears now).
Anonymous ,Dewsbury
______________________________________________________________
Control Freak
My husband is
a complete control freak. He checks my phone and goes through the log of calls and text messages. I am never allowed to talk
to a man but he can talk to as many women as he likes. He controls my every movement. I can’t meet my best friends.
He gets jealous at the slightest opportunity of me having even a glimpse of happiness. After which he will do everything to
remove that happiness. He has to do this because he has nothing to offer the world and knows I can do much better without
him.
Anonymous, Holland
______________________________________________________________
Insecure
My psycho (can’t think of a better name) is so insecure as he knows I am capable of achieving success in life that
he constantly puts me down and degrades me. I even start to think I am completely worthless because that’s all I have
heard for the last four and a half years. He once argued with me that Doctor is spelt ‘Doctar’. That’s just
one example of how Jahil these people are. He still sticks to the fact that it is spelt Doctar ! He has made my life a living
nightmare. I’m fed up and don’t know what to do.
Anonymous
______________________________________________________________
He's turning me into someone I
wasn't - A fake!
Fantastic site!! SPOT ON! This issue needed to be addressed years ago...It's such a shame
our parents are still in denial. We strive so hard to make something of ourselves in the uk and when have achieved that goal
we are shipped off to Pakistan to marry an UNGRATEFUL, BEMAN cousin only to see all of our hard work and dreams go down the
toilet!!!We have absolutely nothing in common with these people, we are made to CONFORM to a way of life only to wake up one
morning and smell the coffee!!(Sorry in my case to smell the prathas and boiled desi tea).Anyway I've had to degrade myself
for years to make a go of my marriage, when I say degrade I found myself gossiping about people, having a laugh and joke at
others expense,finding happiness at others flaws all out of desperation to have some sort of conversation with my husband...as
you may find this is the only thing ` Freshis `are intrested in! Oh and not to mention 'Money,money money'... these
people will make a broadminded person become small minded,an intellectual become Jahil, a kind become spiteful (basically
a reflection of their own selfs)...They have all the traits of the `shaitan` and make sure you become the worst person ever
so you can get along just fine!!It's all hunky dorie until one day you look in the mirror and don't recongnise yourself
anymore....wanted advice on what to do. I have been married to my husband for seven years, and have a six year old son, with
special needs. I got my husband’s indefinite stay , nationality and visa on and he stayed with me for seven years, for
free, only working part time, and the rent /council tax being paid by the benefits, and me paying most of the household bills.
he has always been gathering his money and sending it to his family, and me and my son have to live off benefits. Now my husband
wants to move to another city to be with his friends, leaving me to bring up a young child who has a learning disability and
is highly autistic. every day is a struggle, and I am always feeling severe pain in my joints and just take pills to get through
the day. now his family want him to get married to his cousin in Pakistan so that he has a wife from his own family as I'm
not from his family. he is very excited about it and constantly brags about it, he is studying for his degree, and will be
earning loads, once he completes his studies and gets a job in aircraft maintenance in Pakistan, and has high hopes of bringing
all his backward family over, who blame me for my son's disability, and I am dreading it as the future looks so bleak,
so where does that leave me and my son, I wish I could get him deported back to his little village, these people should never
be allowed a visa, in the first place, is there any way I can send him back, he has used me, and says he is a lot younger
than me, his age on his passport was just to get him to look older, so I feel he has done this fraud on me.Anonymous, North Yorkshire
--------------------------------------
Was anyone going to tell me?
I got married from Karachi in 1999. My parents
had arranged this Rishta without telling me. I was at college and wanted to go on and become a doctor but for them it was
more important that their reputation as parents whose daughter would never refuse their choice of life partner be maintained.
The irony was that I was the last one to find out that I was about to get married.I could not save myself. I would just like
to describe my experiences in these words.These men have ”Unstable split personalities, Play Mind games, Enjoy
Harassment etc etc… It will be a living hell. Do not do it. Please believe me.”
Sana , Middle East
______________________________________________________________
My Holiday to Karachi
I was married to an ‘educated’
man from Karachi. I did not plan this marriage. I went to Pakistan on holiday with my family. I met him at a cousin’s
house and was overwhelmed by his constant smile and pampering of me and my family. He told me he was an I.T consultant which
was a lie as was so many other things. Before the marriage he treated me and my family to ice parlours, shopping sprees in
Karachi not to mention the finest restaurants. He seemed at the time like a very generous man. He would even give money to
the poor beggars in front of me and my family.I jumped at the opportunity as I thought I would be the luckiest girl in the
world to marry this man. So unexpectedly agreed to his proposal and married him in the same holiday. I did not plan
to get married so soon but I was so overwhelmed by his charm.After the Nikah I stayed behind with him for almost 1 year. This
is when I saw his true colours. He was the exact opposite of what he was before our marriage. He would swear at the poor and
was extremely miserly. We never went out anywhere. The shopping trips and ice cream trips were just to lure me into marrying
him. I left him in Karachi and never bought him to England. Thank God
Samina, London
______________________________________________________________
My Family
My husband always curses his family but when
it comes to giving them money and support he will do anything for them just because it’s his culture. They are so horrible
to him and he knows that but he can’t focus on his own children. He spends hardly a penny on his own kids and if he
does he always angry and in a mood but his nephews and nieces back home have to get everything and his sisters of course.
He believes the only women in the world worthy of respect are sisters and his mother .All other women are worthless including
his wife. I don’t mind him living for his family even though he hates them and they hate him. He does not
fulfil our rights at all.
Anonymous , London
______________________________________________________________
His Student Visa
I met a Pakistani man on a student visa outside a shopping centre in Manchester. I was always told
by my friends to never marry a ‘freshie’ but I didn’t care as he was so nice. I thought my friends were
just jealous. Little did I know that when he was staring into my big brown eyes he could only see a red passport!Anyway, got
married in a rush. He had no family here so the rishta was done through a family he knew. My whole family was so impressed
with him. He was apparently so nice until he applied for his, yes, you have guessed it indefinite leave to remain. He applied
for it got the stay and the rest is history. I don’t know where he is., He just left and I am still in Nikah. I
have applied to the Shariah council for invalidation of the Nikah.
Anonymous, Manchester
______________________________________________________________
Attacked my Younger Sister
My stories similar to many sisters on this site.
The only additional thing I would like to add is that my one made an sexual advance on my 17 year old younger sister. She
was viciously attacked whilst at home on her own. She has never been able to recover from the mental scars and is suffering
from depression and low self esteem. She does not go out anymore. He had no remorse and denied the whole thing.I thankfully
kicked him out. I have now Alhamduililah moved on and found a brother on an online matrimonial site. He’s British, straightforward
and civilised and we are getting married next month inshAllah.
Anonymous
______________________________________________________________
History Repeating
My dilemma is that not only am I suffering, I am so scared of him that I am so afraid that I will
not be able to stop him getting my 2 daughters to his nephews.If I cant stop it they will suffer an even worse fate than me
because now the men there are bigger and better as they are the internet generation and know even more. I worry for my daughter’s
future. I can’t fight him he’s too violent and aggressive. He says they have to marry from there. I may have to
get the UK government involved when the time comes.
Anonymous, Burton
______________________________________________________________
My Husband was “Educated”
I got engaged to a cousin in 1999 who was apparently educated so I thought I was one of the
lucky ones! I thought because he was educated I would be just fine. How wrong was I? He had a degree in Psychology. Don’t
be impressed because I know you won’t believe me but he couldn’t spell psychology. You see the education system
there is flawed (as is everything - riddled with corruption). In Pakistan for your “education”, you can cheat
or learn in a parrot fashion (memorise without understanding a thing) or bribe someone. That’s why the educated are
not like the educated here or I would say anywhere in the world. Where else can you find an English literature graduate who
can’t write a single correct sentence in English! Besides education does not stop the corrupt ideas and culture!My husband,
before the Nikah was ‘exceptionally nice to me and my family. Our wishes were his command. You name it, he did it to
please us. I was overwhelmed and so impressed. I did not realise until after he came to England. You see he needed me to get
to the land of milk and honey and I was just the thing to use and abuse to get to the U.K. Once here, he refused to work as
he knew I had a good job. He would demand special treatment from me and my family. Food had to be completely fresh and yesterday’s
food was impossible to ever be eaten. All this fussy attitude shocked me as he was earning less than £1 a day in Pakistan.
Don’t worry they all say they had “bank ki nokri” there and were earning Rs.100,000 a month and were given
a house and car by the company. All a load of “C*%^$”. I fell pregnant and went through an exceptionally difficult
(due to a rare condition) pregnancy on my own. He did not attend the birth and would never be home. In 5 years of marriage
he never once sympathised with me on any matter. For a Pakistani man to show affection to his wife is a cardinal sin. He did
not have a heart of stone he was simply heartless.I am still living with him but cant see myself suffering all my life. I am considering leaving him.I
have many friends who married from Pakistan all with similar stories the only problem is they have no voice as their families
don’t want to rock the boat, discuss it, confront the man, or they keep quite for honours sake.
Anonymous, Surrey
Two sisters
I am born and bred in Birmingham. Brummie through
and through lol. My sister and I got married to two brothers from Peshawar. Big mistake is an understatement. Our husbands
came to England and the fights would just not stop. We bought a house with my dad’s money for all 4 of us to live in.
My sister and I had no bad intentions so bought the house solely in our husband’s names. During our marriage my husband
made a move on my sister. We would both cry all the time as they would harass us all the time. My sister got pregnant and
had a baby. Now we are both divorced and fighting for the house that we paid for.
Anonymous, Birmingham
______________________________________________________________
I’m a GP (I was Grossly Pessimistic)
Asalam’alaaikam, I am a medical doctor and
live in Forest Gate, London. My marriage was arranged by my family. He claimed to be an engineer. It only came to light after
the wedding that it was actually his father who was an engineer and not him !! Weird? I know ! It’s like that in Pakistan.
At the local Chemists ‘the dispensary man’ is called Doctor Sahib!He was manipulative, cunning and highly arrogant.
I left my highly paid job in London to work in a hospital in Karachi on his insistence. I wanted to do the right thing and
be the committed and loyal wife that one should be.I worked in 3 hospitals and what I saw is inconceivable to any civilised
person. My colleagues (the highly educated doctors) were heartless, unprofessional and ruthless. The irony was that many had
studied and practiced in the west therefore knew what ethical codes doctors were obliged to abide by internationally. I would
see the poor suffer so give them free treatment. For displaying human sympathy, I lost my job in one of the hospitals. Doctors
would prescribe medicines to the poor that were only contrived and fit for animals. I am not exaggerating in the slightest.
If during an operation a person was dying there would be no sense of urgency or responsibility to save this person. Contentiousness
was non-existent. This is the country from where I married. I was constantly told not to be kind to the poor and needy and
even prevented from helping! Regardless of this, I did the best I could as a Muslim and human being. Sorry but I had to tell
you this even though it’s not related to my marriage.Back to my husband. My life with him was not a marriage it was
a constant battleground. I dislike arguments whereas his immense anger was uncontrollable and would lead to him breaking things
in the house. He would constantly put me down and tell me I am worthless. He was insecure and inconsequential so he had to
put me down .The strange thing is I actually started to believe I was worthless.The only reason he never he hit me was that
he was scared of what people would think. See these people don’t fear or even believe in God in my opinion. They only
fear their fake reputation being harmed. After countless arguments and 3 years he finally decided to let me go back to England
with him. I fell pregnant in the U.K and had our child in 2005. He refused to get a job as I was a high earner. I lived with
him only because he was the biological father of my son. He was not a father in any other way whatsoever. Arguments continued.
I tried counselling with him nothing worked. I finally applied for a divorce and am now happily married to a Doctor.
Hira, Forest Gate
______________________________________________________________
The Tenant
My story is about the man I married whom I know very little about. You see he lives in
my house in the same way as a tenant. Only difference being that tenants actually pay rent!He does not pay any bills and I
pay the mortgage. He does however bring meat home for me to cook for him and not to mention he always has enough money for
his cigarettes and petrol. He drives my car so as to not use any petrol in his car. See for him it’s a ‘Me, Myself
and I’ attitude. He is boring and selfish. He does not want to work so works part time on and off .He goes out all day
long and comes back usually around before dawn. I stay up all night waiting for him and because I am scared on my own at night
with the kids. My family don’t give a damn about me.
Anonymous, New Jersey
______________________________________________________________
The Job Applications
My ones father owned a general store in a village on the outskirts of Jhelum. By the way the general/grocery
store was spelt “GANERAL STORES”. He would mention his dad’s shop which had sales of Rs.4000 a month (£35
a month) as if it was bigger than Tescos’.He came to England and I showed him the sights. The London Eye, Big Ben, Madame
Tussauds, the Tate Gallery etc nothing impressed him as Jhelum was much bigger and better of course!!I tried to get him a
job everywhere. I must have filled in 100’s of application forms. Most interviews he would not even turn up for and
others he attended he just could not get the job as he can only speak broken English and can’t even hold a conversation
with a brick wall.I still filled in the forms and send out his CV (if you can call it that!).Don’t ask why I even bother!
He cant’ get a job and when he gets one it’s never good enough so he leaves after a week or so.Its all my
fault……..When it rains it’s my fault, He can’t speak English its my fault, He is not ‘successful’
it’s my fault, He has no money it’s my fault’ Its all my fault.
Anonymous, Dudley
_____________________________________________________________
The Call from Croydon
Yes you’ve probably guessed. Got married, he waited 3 years .one day he got a magical
letter, went to the Home office in Croydon for this indefinite stay without telling me. That day he gave me a ‘missed
call’ because he didn’t want to waste his money. I called him back and he told me that he had just got his permanent
residence in the U.K and that was all that he married me for. I never heard of him again. I complained to his family and they
fully supported him. You see his family promised me and assured me he would never do that.He left me with a 7 month old
daughter. I pray to Allah for justice and advise everyone to learn from what happened to me.
Anonymous, Willesden Green
______________________________________________________________
Money Money Money!!!
Not much to say really. Just that “The Be End And All End” for him is Money. The
only topic of discussion is money, the only aim in life is money. And it can come through fraud, work or siphoning. He even
can’t wait for my dad to die would you believe. He challenged my father and questioned him about his will. He says he
wants the English law equivalent paid to him (not me the daughter!) when my dad dies. He’s arguing that the Shariah
amount (equal to half of my brother’s share) is not fair. How evil and greedy can you get? He has absolutely no honour
or dignity. This is a man who dresses Islamic ally and has a long beard!!!!He is full of jealously and hates everyone but
meets them like their long lost family. He can’t take anyone having a nice car ,house or any success in life.Money
is his only mission and he will do everything to get to it. What does he do with the money? Well, nothing just counts it again
and again!!
Noora , Huddersfield
______________________________________________________________
The Mysterious Second Wife
I am from High Wycombe. I married a Pakistani man who was already married and had kids in Pakistan.
His family did not tell us of course. I used to wonder why he would go to Pakistan for 4 months at a time. Now I know
why! He lives with me just because its free and he can save up money to go Pakistan and spend on his “real family”.
Anonymous, High
Wycombe
______________________________________________________________
Nothing Works My husband argues constantly. He looks for a reason to
fight. When I try to reason with him no logic works. Arguments are based on similar issues as below:
· Why did you wear a red suit today? It was to annoy me!
· Why did you go to your sisters house?
· Why didn’t your brother do salam to me properly?
· You were staring at that guy in the shop.
· Why do you have to speak English, speak Punjabi with your cousins?
I’ve
tried every way possible. If I remain quite, he will provoke me until I respond. If I shout the kids suffer so I can’t
do that, if I speak nicely he gets even more arrogant. I can’t find a solution.
Asma
______________________________________________________________
Paddy Power
My husband came to this country and worked for
a year in a sandwich factory. He is now a cab driver when he wants to be! He got into a habit of gambling and just can’t
kick the habit. Well it’s not just that. He can’t stop kicking me when I don’t give him money for his
habit.
Anonymous,
Luton
______________________________________________________________
‘Weed’ Never Get Married If I Knew
My husband is a drug addict. He was already an addict
in Pakistan but no one told us. His family knew. Once he got here he looked for his type of people on street corners. I have
3 children. I used to drive but can’t anymore. Guess why? He sold my car for money. The car was worth £2000 he
sold it £750.Why should he care it’s only his wife and kids. By the way in case you’re thinking, I paid
for the car.I’m still married and everyday is an uphill struggle……..
Maryam, Leeds
______________________________________________________________
Meat, Meat and more Meat.
Meat is everything. I am never allowed to cook
vegetables. Pizza and pasta are also out of the question. Meet everyday twice a day. Its been 21 years and its meat everyday
with 4 rotis every time. Not to mention the only thing he drinks is coca cola. Water is forbidden he can only drink coke.
I tried to understand it and worked out that because he was poor and he cant believe he can have meat every day and coke is
a luxury in Pakistan he can’t get over it. His greed for the stuff just does not diminish. Why don’t
other nationalities behave, like this????
Anonymous, Burnley
______________________________________________________________
My Rado Watch
Being a very positive and romantic person, when I got married I tried my very best to
please my husband. I was also aware of my Islamic duty to my husband.He arrived at Heathrow wearing his brown 'flairs'
and a cream shirt. I went the following day to NEXT and bought him some sets of clothes. There was no appreciation . But this
went on for many years. He would abuse me. I would chase him and try to please him. I would call his mobile constantly and
worry about him not being happy with me. I have bought him a BMW, the all essential Rado watch, designer suits you name it
, but he has never said thank you of appreciated anything. Rather he says I have done absolutely nothing
for him. He constantly puts me down. He tells me all the time that I am useless and that he can find a better wife any day.
He has no shame when discussing disgraceful things he’s
done. He happily discusses his corruption with great pride. He says “I once worked for someone and used to steal cash
from the till” and “I made a fool of that person” to name a few. I was lucky my best friend was married
to one as well. She told me a strange thing. If you’re good to them they will destroy you more and more. I know it goes
against logic and the civilised world but that’s why they treat people badly. To gain respect!. Don’t ask why.
It works its just does!!So I still cook for him and look after him I just don’t do the things he will never appreciate.
The things he will throw back in my face again and again. Its still not a happy marriage as he will never change as Pakistani
men are stubborn, arrogant and never accept their fault. The only solution is to not live with one! You can’t
beat them. They are too stubborn and ignorant. They never give up. You will get tired and end up depressed or in a mental
asylum. I found my solution in following Islam and knowing that it is not my right to be treated like this.
Anonymous, Glasgow
Please email us your own story at pakmarriages@yahoo.com
Thank
you!Contact Us
Please help us stop the suffering.
If you know anyone being forced to marry. Please Click here.
Ask anyone who is married to one! Get them to open up to you.
The Islamic Perspective
|
|
|
